Tucker Carlson's new site, The Generic Conservative News Forum launched...recently. Maybe today? Maybe last week? I don't really give a fuck, but anyway, conservative person Matt Labash has a column where people ask him questions and he gives funny, cutting edge answers. Like this:

Pick three government programs you would eliminate. Why?



2. Legalized rape. What’s that you say? Rape isn’t sanctioned in this country? Then you must not live in a city with red-light or speed cameras, where it happens every day. Forget for a second that in one-fourth of all automated ticket cases, the ticketed car owner wasn’t the one actually driving the vehicle at the time of the infraction (what other crime-fighting technology do we consider reliable that nabs the wrong person 25 percent of the time?) Just as heinous is that every year, more and more municipal governments pretend that they plant these all-seeing menaces in the interest of “safety.” Yet every year, their revenues tend to increase from the very same technology. Meaning that the only deterrent effect the technology has is deterring your government from being honest about raping its own citizenry. If you’re going to slide me a roofie, Government, at least take me to dinner and a movie first.


One looks forward to his future column, "The Holocaust In My Pants: How Norelco's Personal Trimmer Made My Testicles The Jews Of Grooming Fascism".