Via Roy Edroso, we find that James Lileks is back, and he’s still eager to win the world championship for Grumpy Old Farthood (At Heart, Not Chronological Age Division). And don’t anyone tell him I said “fart”, because the last thing the world needs is a 2,000 word lecture on why intestinal gas is Not Funny.
My nine-year-old daughter looked at the front page of the paper, and her eyes grew wide:
The president said “ass”?
She swallowed the A-word, because it is, after all, the A-word. I nodded; he said that. She was silent for a while, digesting the information. Presidents, after all, are part of the great Pantheon of Authority, standing over the school principal, teachers, the pastor, police, and perhaps the mailman. To consider them using bad words reordered everything. Unless …
“He didn’t mean donkey,” she said, this being the only possible explanation.
What we learn from this is that Lileks is, by his own standards, a bad father. After all, his 9-year-old obviously knows what the word “ass” means. Clearly he’s a complete failure, and should just give up. Nothing short of a perfect job at enforcing arbitrary sheltering from certain combinations of sounds will do. Who wants to bet money that this ruined little girl first learned the word “ass” from her daddy’s precious lips? Of course, that doesn’t count. The first chapter in the “IOKIYAR” handbook is titled “Cursing”, something I’m reminded every time I get an email from a wingnut along the lines of, “You’re a pottymouth, you stupid little cunt.”
He carries on at length, including using the word “tuckus”, as if that’s amusing. It’s mostly incomprehensible, because he’s repressing the profanity-laden verbal beatdown he wants to give to the President for criticizing British Petroleum. So he’s stuck with vulgarity trolling.
Barack Obama is probably the last guy you’d think would introduce “ass” into the mainstream political discourse……
But at the heart of Maher’s image of authentic blackness is part of the leftist creed: the trivial niceties of civilization are a barrier to the most important goal of human endeavor, self-expression. Lenny died for your sins.
Really, he could have just written, “Blah blah blah blah” and had way more time left over to oil the stick that’s up his ass. I’m sorry, tuckus. What I fail to understand about conservatives who moan and groan about pottymouths is this—it’s fucking impossible that they can’t hear themselves. Maybe I’m wrong. When I sit down and write, I can hear my internal voice speaking what I’m saying as it’s coming out, and so generally, I have an idea of how it sounds. Like if I write, “Screw you guys, I’m going home!”, I physically cannot prevent myself from picturing Eric Cartman and hearing his voice saying it. So I have to believe that conservatives who write these pointless screeds about second rate curse words like “ass” must hear the voices in their head, and realize that they sound like one of Dana Carvey’s characters from “Saturday Night Live”.
But maybe I’m over-projecting. For all I know, different people hear different things in their heads when they write. If so, I’m putting ten down that Lileks’s head is full of that static hiss you had on old TVs when you switched to a channels that had no broadcast signal.
Which, come to think about it, I can’t wait for his next missive about annoying sounds he misses. TV static will definitely be on the list, but I hope he also covers the dial tone.