Ur Freedomz, Dey Iz Comin For Dem
Don Surber chooses the persuasive method of sentence fragments to convince us that the government is clamping down on our freedom through high gas prices.
$4 a gallon gasoline will kill the American automobile and a big hunk of our freedom.
I have the great benefit of living in an eminently walkable city. I admit, I feel decidedly less free when I'm lazy as hell and want to drive three-quarters of a mile to get dinner, shackled to the even closer markets and restaurants that I'm sort of tired of. What of your promise, America? What of it?
As I drove, I calculated that every 6 miles, I have spent another dollar.
I passed on the mocha latte at Dairy Queen.
It now costs $6 to make that daily commute to work and back.
At some point, this becomes too expensive.
Buses, largely subsidized, are an inconvenience.
You wait in the snow and the cold.
If you miss a bus, that’s another 20 minutes.
I can drive to work in 20 minutes from where the last bus stop is (I would have to drive a couple miles and park to catch a bus.
On the weekend, forget it.
You take your mocha latte on the bus.
People look at you.
You spill a little bit.
That's mocha latte on the ground.
Isn't a mocha just a latte with chocolate in it?
I grew up in a free land where people were encouraged to see the USA in their Chevrolet — America is asking you to call.
The song also said, America’s the greatest land of all.
You also grew up in a land where a company was trying to sell something to you. Little known fact – commercial jingles do not serve as authoritative expansions of constitutional rights. Hence why the Sixth Amendment does not provide for Jello pudding cups at criminal trials.
So how do you undermine it?
Stop drilling for oil.
Cut off our gasoline.
The SUVs are lined up for sale at the Rock Branch Community Bank parking lot.
This is West Virginia.
You need a pickup or an SUV.
But the global economy does not turn on where Don Surber lives and what Don Surber needs.
It hasn't in at least ten years, I heard.
$10 a gallon?
I will have to move to the city.
And that is the plan.
Herd us back to the cities.
We’re easier to control.
They already seized 9/11 to kick us off the airplanes.
Does anyone really think the humiliation of a full body search and frisking is to stop terrorists?
The more I think about it, the more I realize, they don’t want us to fly.
I booked three airplane tickets this week.
It was because I am a Democrat.
I live in a city.
I am still free.
This message has been brought to you by Little Caesar's, where you are still free to pay $5 for a pizza.