In southwest Miami, a small subdivision is being called "ground zero" of an invasion by a destructive, non-native species.
"It's us against the snails," Richard Gaskalla, head of plant industry for Florida's Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services, tells weekends on All Things Considered host Guy Raz.
That's the Giant African Land Snail, to be precise. They can grow to be 10 inches long. They leave a slimy trail of excrement wherever they go. They harbor the microscopic rat-lung worm, which can transmit meningitis to humans. And they will literally eat your house.
"They'll attach to the side of the house and eat the stucco off the side of the house," Gaskalla says. The snails are also attracted to garbage and pet food that's been left out.
The apocalypse is nigh, people. Look at this thing:
Time to take out your bucket list, scratch off all the soul-affirming stuff like "take Viagra and sit in a bathtub next to my wife in her adjoining bathtub as we take in a lovely sunset", and get straight to the stuff like "break into a church for an all-night dance party featuring nudity and ridiculously expensive wine". The end is nigh, and you don't want to go out doing the douchey shit.