Now that former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney (R) is the de facto Republican candidate for president, like all young men who have come of age, it's time to find him a proper (running) mate. The natural choice would probably be the candidate who gave him the strongest challenge in the primary, former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum (R). Depending upon who you ask, however, Senator Santorum is possibly the least likely of all possible candidates to form a successful partnership with another man.

And yet, on Wednesday night's edition of "The Colbert Report," host Stephen Colbert discussed the late-arriving Iowa mailer from the Santorum campaign that said, "The notion of Mitt Romney as the Republican nominee truly frightens me," laying bare the Senator's real feelings about his opponent and, most likely, effectively scuttling his chances at the VP nomination.

Senator Rob Portman (R-OH) is a name that has been repeatedly brought up as someone sufficiently solid and "boring" as to be a boon to the ticket without overshadowing Romney himself. If that's the criterion, Colbert suggested, then perhaps Gov. Romney should consider running alongside something even blander, like a rice cake or the heel of a loaf of white bread.

Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below: