Quantcast
Connect with us

The trouble with Barack Obama’s endorsement of ‘monogamous’ same sex marriage

Published

on

Along with President Barack Obama’s “evolution” on same sex marriage, the institution itself has been evolving. Indeed, throughout history, as marriage historian Stephanie Coontz has pointed out, marriage has been an exceptionally adaptable institution.

Even as religious conservatives kept voting for same-sex marriage bans — a full 32 times, in fact, since 1998 — others were debating what marriage should be about.

ADVERTISEMENT

Stranger sex advice columnist Dan Savage, who tweeted in support of Obama’s endorsement of same sex marriage, has long been advocating a different kind of marriage: a “monogamish” one. He has long told advice seekers in his column and on his weekly podcast to allow partners to seek sexual pleasure outside the relationship, so long as it’s done openly and honestly with the consent with the partner.

But if anything, Obama’s announcement Wednesday pointed to the opposite of this when he announced his “personal” feelings on marriage equality, “I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same sex relationships, who are raising kids together.”

Oddly, this radical act of Obama supporting same sex marriage sounded conservative. In his eyes, marriage is still a monogamous institution between two people for the purpose of raising children.

The strategy of making same-sex marriage boring and normalized is a controversial one on the marriage equality front. Michael Warner’s radical 1999 book, The Trouble With Normal, argued that same sex marriage shouldn’t be the only goal for LGBT rights advocates. Instead, he wanted activists to push the government to recognize unconventional families with domestic partnerships.

ADVERTISEMENT

Domestic partnerships have become an important part of the marriage equality debate. Re-imagining what a long-term partnership — both for LGBT and heterosexual couples — is an important step in modern society. That’s why it was disappointing for many when companies began backing off domestic partnership benefits arrangements once New York state legalized same sex marriage. Tuesday’s North Carolina vote to ban same sex marriage also bans heterosexual domestic partnerships. As we move toward “marriage equality,” the choice is increasingly between marriage or singlehood, even though millions of people live in a partnership that’s neither.

And even though Savage’s honesty-driven “monogamish” marriage isn’t the widely-practiced standard, it’s hard to argue for monogamy when so many heterosexual couples cheat. One only look to prominent politicians on the left and right: take former Sen. John Edwards’ lewd sex tape or former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford’s “hiking on the Appalachian trail” to see prominent examples that marriage isn’t just for the monogamous.

While studies find varying degrees of marital infidelity, in part because people rarely want to admit, even to a researcher, that he or she cheats, it does happen and may even be on the rise. Research from the University of Washington in 2006 found that lifetime infidelity rates for people over 60 were 28 percent for men and 15 percent for women, both up several points from 1991. Other studies estimate that broadly, about 10 percent of people cheat in marriages.

ADVERTISEMENT

In the meantime, Obama has already started fundraising off his testimonial for same sees marriage, which was a little upsetting to some since talking points leaked to Buzzfeed revealed this “coming out” for same-sex marriage didn’t actually indicate a change in policy and states could continue to discriminate against LGBT folks all they want.

This might be an odd argument to be making, especially from one heterosexual monogamist, especially at a time when so many people are pressing for the marriage equality that they so deserve. One step at a time, perhaps, but on the way to marriage equality, we shouldn’t let politician further dictate what all marriages should be. We should let couples decide on monogamy for themselves rather than setting the standard from on high, and same sex couples should have the same legal rights as straight ones, whether or not any of them are monogamous.

[Screen shot of Obama speaking Wednesday to ABC News]

ADVERTISEMENT


Report typos and corrections to: [email protected].
READ COMMENTS - JOIN THE DISCUSSION
Continue Reading

Breaking Banner

Police officer sues Ava Duvernay for depiction of interrogation technique used on the Central Park Five

Published

on

On Monday, TMZ reported that former police officer John Reid is suing director Ava Duvernay over her depiction of the "Reid Technique" used against the young, Black suspects known as the Central Park Five in the Netflix film "When They See Us."

Reid is claiming defamation, insisting that the film's depiction of his methods are wrong.

"You squeezed statements out of them after 42 hours of questioning and coercing, without food, bathroom breaks, withholding parental supervision," said a prosecution staffer to a detective in the movie. "The Reid Technique has been universally rejected. That's truth to you."

Continue Reading

Breaking Banner

National Enquirer and AMI shredded ‘sensitive Trump-related documents’ hidden in a safe right before he was elected: report

Published

on

President Donald Trump's foreign election interference in the 2020 election may soon be eclipsed by his a renewed focus into his 2016 campaign after a bombshell revelation in a new book by journalist Ronan Farrow.

"American Media, Inc. and the National Enquirer shredded sensitive Donald Trump-related documents that had been held in a top-secret safe right before Trump was elected in 2016, according to fresh allegations made in a new book by journalist Ronan Farrow," Politico reported Monday.

Continue Reading
 

Breaking Banner

Giuliani demands investigation of Ambassador Yovanovitch — but can’t even spell her name

Published

on

Rudy Giuliani on Monday demanded an investigation into former Ambassador to Ukraine Marie Yovanovitch -- who had spent the day testifying before Congress.

Giuliani made the statement while retweeting a conspiracy theory by Tom Fitton of the far-right group Judicial Watch:

"No wonder [Trump] and President Zelensky of Ukraine agreed Ambassador Yonacovitch (sic) was a real problem," Giuliani said, while misspelling Yovanovitch's name.

"I wonder if Shiftless asked her about this? Will there be an investigation or is she another 'Protected Person' like Biden & Hillary," Giuliani tweeted.

Continue Reading
 
 
Help Raw Story Uncover Injustice. Join Raw Story Investigates for $1 and go ad-free.
close-image