Dear Politico,

All over Twitter today, people are just going on and on about your article bemoaning the "smallness" and "triviality" of this presidential race.  "Dating to the beginning of the cycle, 2012 has unfolded so far as a grinding, joyless slog," you wrote, "falling short in every respect of the larger-than-life personalities and debates of the 2008 campaign."

Let me just say that's mighty rich coming from the people who broke the $400 John Edwards haircut story in 2007, then hammered it eight more times in an endless flood of  follow-up pieces, interviewing then-Senator Barack Obama's barber ("No I can't let this piece of trivia go!" crowed Ben Smith, delighted with himself and with another opportunity to make more wretched hair puns.).

Is this ringing any bells for y'all?  Do you not remember doing everything possible to make that stage of the race about hair, rather than about what was actually happening in the country and in the lives of its people?

I've noticed that Ben Smith has since moved on to BuzzFeed which will partner with the New York Times this summer to bring us as much political coverage as we can stand, while simultaneously meeting all of our LOLcat, side-boob and listicle needs.  Thankfully, we'll still have Patrick Gavin at Politico to bring us fast-breaking, world-altering cultural effluvia like "Obama Boy" and his crush on Obama, as well as urgent dispatches from the set of the "Atlas Shrugged" sequel.

But while we're on this topic, I'd like to address a similar issue with the Republican Party.  As Jon Stewart pointed out on Tuesday night's "The Daily Show," the GOP's main line of attack against President Obama's immigration reform initiative has been, "Why didn't he do it sooner, when he had full majorities in both houses of Congress?"  Never mind the fact that the very reform Obama enacted was put before Congress in the form of the DREAM Act, which Republican jackholes in the Senate filibustered and left for dead in December of 2010.

But hey, by following your example, I have formulated a brilliant plan.  I intend to walk down the street and pick a car at random, slash its tires, take a brick to its windows and gash the paint with a knife.  Then I'll walk up and ring its owners' doorbell.  When they answer, I intend to inform them that I've called the homeowners' association about that wrecked car in front of their house.  It's a damn eyesore.

What could possibly go wrong?

Thanks for the inspiration!


(image via Shutterstock)