From testicle-biting police dogs to sonic cannons capable of inducing involuntary urination, Polish anti-hooligan squads have an array of weapons ready to deal with any troublesome England fans at Euro 2012.
The English-language Krakow Post newspaper asserted in an editorial that local law enforcement agencies were more than ready to tackle any hooligan threat at England's southern Poland base camp.
"The Polish police are going to come down on troublemakers like a bag full of anvils and you don't want to be there when it happens," the paper warned.
"Krakow has a long history of hooligan violence -- the local police have seen it all before and they will ruin your day if you try it on.
"These lads' mums and dads rioted under Soviet machine guns -- a few chairs thrown by beered-up fans is not going to intimidate them.
"Do not expect softly, softly police tactics.
"Poland's anti-hooligan squads are armed with: Shotguns firing baton rounds that probably won't kill you as long as you're 30m away, a truck-mounted water cannon affectionately known as ?the typhoon', a high-tech sonic cannon that can make you wet yourself on its lowest setting, dogs trained to bite you directly in the testicles."
English fans are not expected to arrive in Krakow in significant numbers, with England's Group D games all taking place in Ukraine.