Tuesday night, on the second night of Stephen Colbert’s “StePhest Colbcella – Rocktaugustfest ‘012,” host Stephen Colbert of “The Colbert Report” took on the new reality series “Stars Earn Stripes,” in which a motley crew of mostly has-been stars (including former “First Dude” of Alaska, Todd Palin) compete in military maneuvers with live ammunition for cash and prizes.
“Stars Earn Stripes” is hosted by Gen. Wesley Clark, who Colbert describes as “a George Patton, a Douglas MacArthur,” and then asks, “But does he have what it takes to be a Jeff Probst?”
The show features Jessica Simpson’s ex-husband Nick Lachey, who described “Stars and Stripes” as “a once-in-a-lifetime experience.”
“Yes, once-in-a-lifetime,” said Colbert, “Other than all the times you could have enlisted.”
The show’s decision to use live ammunition received top billing, with its stars saying again and again how excited they are to go on a “real mission” with “real weapons” blasting “real ammunition.”
“This is real,” Colbert agreed, “with real missions and real ammunition, and real jet skis zipping in at the first sign of trouble!”
“In fact,” he rhapsodized, “this is better than real. This is war as we imagine it. None of that setting up a checkpoint in local neighborhoods, trying to suss out centuries-old tribal conflicts, or engaging in outreach to local religious leaders in order to create a stable political environment. It’s just blowing shit up!”
Now, if only they’d blow up the contestants who lose, Colbert said be thinks the show would be perfect.
Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below: