Wednesday night on "The Colbert Report," host Stephen Colbert discussed presidential candidate Gov. Mitt Romney (R-MA)'s vagueness about what he would do specifically as president of the United States.
In a "The Word" segment entitled "Ask Not," Colbert asserted that Romney has been quite explicit.
"What are they talking about?" he asked of Romney's critics. "Romney has given some very specific figures. For instance, he is willing to piss off exactly 47 percent of the voters."
"Folks," Colbert said, "from the beginning, Mitt Romney has articulated a clear vision of what he wouldn't have done in the past." (Meanwhile, the blue screen next to Colbert read, "See Dog, Car Roof."
"Namely, he wouldn't have done anything Obama did," continued Colbert. The problem, of course, is that "if he's elected, he'll be president in the future," and the "Specific Sallies out there" want some details from Romney about, for instance, how he'll solve the deficit.
"Folks, no spoilers!" he said. "We'll find out how he'll govern when he's elected."
One thing Romney has been willing to talk about in his stump speeches is what he won't do. He won't, for example, take references to God off of U.S. currency.
Colbert responded, "That's right! President Romney will not take god off of our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency has to be taken on faith."
It's so unbelievable that President Obama wants to take God's name off of our coins that no one actually believes it. White House press secretary Jay Carney said, "The president believes as much that God should be taken off a coin as he does that aliens will attack Florida."
"Do you hear that, elderly Florida voters?" Colbert asked. "Obama doesn't want aliens to bring you youth-restoring cocoons."
It's exciting to watch Romney at this stage of the campaign, the host said, because there's still so much he has yet to promise to not do.
"Mitt must promise today not to remove the word 'America' from 'United States of America," he said, while the blue screen flashed, "Just the 'United' part."
"He must vow never to sign any bill that sets your tax rate to your pants size. And he must assure us that the Oval Office will never be turned into a Buffalo Wild Wings."
And as candidate Romney tells us the myriad of things he won't do, we can surmise what he will do by the process of elimination, a practice that Colbert likened to playing "Minesweep,"
"Only, if you click on the wrong square," he said, "your Social Security explodes."
Watch the clip, embedded via Comedy Central, below: