On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert presented an education-themed version of his recurring “The Word” segment. Entitled “Meducation,” it examined the shortage of teachers our nation is currently facing, and discussed the fact that some doctors recommend higher doses of medication for students as a solution.
U.S. students, said Colbert, “rank 31st in math, behind South Korea, Estonia and Luxembourg, which would really hurt their feelings if they weren’t also behind in geography.”
According to an ABC News report, “Black children living in disadvantaged neighborhoods fall behind the equivalent of one year or more of schooling simply because of where they live.”
“The problem is,” said Colbert, “our public schools lack the resources to succeed. Thanks to funding cuts, many classrooms’ alphabets only go up to ‘r.'”
If we want our students to do better, he said, we have to invest in schools, hire more teachers and provide more resources.
“In other words,” he quipped, “they’re screwed.”
Dr. Michael Anderson of Canton, Georgia, however, has started prescribing Adderall to kids who haven’t been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Adderall is a powerful stimulant that can aid concentration, but is normally recommended only for children and teens who have ADD or ADHD.
Anderson is using the drug “just to treat poor academic performance in inadequate schools.”
The doctor believes that in situations where the school and its personnel aren’t meeting kids’ needs, parents should turn to drugs. As schools cut art programs, “one tab of acid will have your kid seeing colors that you can’t find in a Crayola box.” Kids who feel unwanted and unloved at home can take Ecstasy, “and they’ll get all the nurturing they could ever want just by nuzzling the doormat.”
And of course, he notes, drugging poor children couldn’t possibly “create more problems than it solves,” now could it?
Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below: