Thursday night on "The Colbert Report," host Stephen Colbert lamented the decline in our national moral character, as evinced by the fact that a majority of Americans now support same sex marriage and marijuana legalization, which can only end one way. People are going to start marrying their weed.
A majority of Americans, Colbert said, now support some form of amnesty for undocumented immigrants "and marriage for The Gays."
"And now we've lost another moral battle," he said. Recently, for the first time, a majority of Americans polled said that they believe that marijuana should be legal.
"It's bad enough that there's medical marijuana in 18 states and recreational pot is now legal in Colorado and Washington and those two states are trying to turn Idaho into a bong," he continued.
Even worse, he said, people are comparing this "pot-astrophe" to "another attack on our moral values": same sex marriage.
"You hear that?" he asked. "It's the same thing. 'Oh! I can't help who I am! I was born being attracted to watching 7 hours of "Planet Earth" while eating a sack of croutons!'"
"Next thing you know, stoners are going to demand their civil right to marry their Mary Jane," he warned. "You may now smoke the bride."
Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below: