Stephen Colbert celebrated his birthday on Monday by backing up Fox News' claim that the press at large was President Barack Obama's "scandal condom" against issues like the September 2012 fatal consulate attack in Benghazi, Libya.
"No matter how rough Fox News slams this story to the hilt, they still have real trouble infecting America with their news herpes," Colbert said.
The ongoing controversy, Colbert explained, was a "beautiful box of crippling scandal" for him to unwrap.
"How bad is it, folks? Nation, you'd better sit down and buckle up," he advised his audience. "Because you should not be standing while watching TV in the car."
Colbert also backed up Rep. Darrell Issa's (R-CA) assertion that an "act of terror," as Obama described the incident that caused the deaths of U.S. Ambassador Chris Stevens and three others, was different from a "terrorist attack."
"They're totally different," Colbert insisted. "You say po-tay-toe, I say, What did the po-tah-toe know and when did he know it?"
But the real problem, Colbert charged, was the White House moving to cover up any involvement from al-Qaeda, and subsequently worked over the talking points describing the attack in 12 different drafts.
"Twelve drafts. That's worse than a cover-up, folks, that's overthinking," Colbert chided. "You gotta write from the heart."
Of course, Colbert realized too late that the ABC News story concerning the 12 drafts also undermined his position.
"Thanks to [reporter] Jonathan Karl, we now know that the original CIA memo said that their best guess was that the attack was 'spontaneously inspired by the protests at the U.S. embassy in Cairo,' as did every other version of the memo," Colbert said. "And that does not help my argument."
Watch the Colbert Report host pick apart the controversy under his "birthday tree," as aired Monday on Comedy Central, below.