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Colbert tells straight people how to protect their marriages from gay threats

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On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert announced that he is hosting the show from a mobile studio affixed to the belly of a dirigible suspended in the air high above international waters. He said that he took the evasive action to escape the “hot, sweaty mass of man-meat that is no doubt writhing over the face of our once-great nation” in the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), the 1995 federal legislation defining marriage as being between a man and a woman.

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“Traditional marriage is now as defenseless,” he warned, “as a freshman frat pledge about to go through the spanking machine.”

“So, straight, married people listen up. If a gay person charges your marriage, you’re going to want to puff yourself up, make yourself seem bigger and try to frighten it off by talking in a firm, loud voice,” instructed Colbert, “about pleated denim or Jimmy Buffet.”

[Ed note: This gay reporter literally flinched while typing the phrase “pleated denim,” so clearly it must work.]

Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below:

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NYT reporter reveals the stunning reason Trump believed coronavirus would disappear next month

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On CNN Thursday, New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman revealed that President Donald Trump is angry about his administration's coronavirus response — in part because he misunderstood what the experts told him about the disease and thought they meant it was going to go away soon.

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‘Set up for failure’: CNN’s Camerota speculates Pence is about to become Trump’s coronavirus fall guy

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CNN's Alisyn Camerota on Thursday grilled Rep. Will Hurd (R-TX) about President Donald Trump's widely panned response to the coronavirus epidemic.

During an interview with Hurd, Camerota asked whether he really had confidence in Vice President Mike Pence's ability to lead the federal government's efforts to contain the virus.

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