Quantcast
Connect with us

Colbert tells straight people how to protect their marriages from gay threats

Published

on

On Wednesday night’s edition of “The Colbert Report,” host Stephen Colbert announced that he is hosting the show from a mobile studio affixed to the belly of a dirigible suspended in the air high above international waters. He said that he took the evasive action to escape the “hot, sweaty mass of man-meat that is no doubt writhing over the face of our once-great nation” in the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), the 1995 federal legislation defining marriage as being between a man and a woman.

ADVERTISEMENT

“Traditional marriage is now as defenseless,” he warned, “as a freshman frat pledge about to go through the spanking machine.”

“So, straight, married people listen up. If a gay person charges your marriage, you’re going to want to puff yourself up, make yourself seem bigger and try to frighten it off by talking in a firm, loud voice,” instructed Colbert, “about pleated denim or Jimmy Buffet.”

[Ed note: This gay reporter literally flinched while typing the phrase “pleated denim,” so clearly it must work.]

Watch the video, embedded via Comedy Central, below:

ADVERTISEMENT


Report typos and corrections to: [email protected].
READ COMMENTS - JOIN THE DISCUSSION
Continue Reading

Facebook

The View audience goes wild when Meghan McCain and Abby Huntsman get schooled on democratic socialism

Published

on

Both conservatives on "The View" warned of the dangers of democratic socialism, but co-host Joy Behar drew a rowdy response with her impassioned defense of wealth distribution.

The panelists were discussing Sen. Elizabeth Warren's climb in the polls, and Meghan McCain speculated about the possibility of the Massachusetts Democrat heading into a contested Democratic convention with Joe Biden and Sen. Bernie Sanders.

"I happen to love Elizabeth Warren," Behar said. "I think she would make a magnificent president, and I think this whole talk about she's too far to the left is a lot of hooey, frankly."

Continue Reading

Breaking Banner

Sarah Sanders rages on Fox News that the ‘out-of-control’ media is ‘making stuff up’ about Trump

Published

on

In her new gig as a Fox News contributor, former White House spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders complained to host Sean Hannity that the "out-of-control" media makes "stuff up" about Donald Trump because they hate him for winning in 2016.

Sanders, who once told reporters that "countless" FBI agents had lost confidence in James Comey only to later tell investigators from special counsel Robert Mueller's office that she made it up, complained to the Fox host about the press being untrustworthy.

Continue Reading
 

2020 Election

Inside the secret GOP plan to keep power in 2020 — and beyond

Published

on

In 2020, we need to pay attention to state elections as well as elections for president and Congress. State elections could decide whether the Republican Party further corrupts American democracy.

As demographics change — and America becomes more diverse and more liberal — the GOP has responded by implementing policies that will take away power from the American people. Rather than changing with the times, they’ve got another plan: minority rule – by them.

Continue Reading
 
 
Help Raw Story Uncover Injustice. Join Raw Story Investigates for $1. Go ad-free.
close-image