Conan O'Brien enlisted "paddling expert and gay icon" George Takei to help him defend one of his standard bits Monday night, as Takei enlightened a gay fan on what he called the basic principles of nature.
"Water works differently for straight people," Takei said, tongue-in-cheek. "That's because water itself is gay. We wouldn't have raindrops or oceans if water didn't like to bind to itself."
Takei's appearance was in response to a "Fan Correction" chiding him for allegedly making the wrong paddling motion during a monologue.
"When you turned back to face the audience, you pulled the oar across the front of you," the fan said in a short video. Conan, that's not how water works," the fan, David, said. "If you want to turn the boat, you have to move the boat in the opposite direction! Even I know that, and I'm gay."
But in fact, Takei said, most things in nature are gay, like air and rocks.
"The North Pole and South Pole are gay," he explained. "They only repel each other 'cause they're in denial."
But since O'Brien is not gay, Takei continued, his interactions with nature are different.
"Conan paddled correctly, David -- for a straight person," Takei concluded. "So, please, put aside your heterophobia for just a moment and accept Conan for who he is."
Watch Takei set the record, uh, straight, as aired Monday on TBS, below.