The news that Kate Middleton’s expected due date on her pregnancy passed without a delivery didn’t sit well with Daily Show interim host John Oliver on Tuesday night.
“No no no no no, sorry, I refuse to wait any longer.” Oliver demanded before kicking off the show’s coverage. “I guess the key question is, where’s my fucking baby?”
While it takes nine months to make a “common baby,” Oliver said, pulling back, for the Duchess of Cambridge to produce her royal child might take longer, prompting him to mock network news correspondents for also complaining about the wait.
“Oh, I’m sorry, poor you,” Oliver said, chastizing his faux-colleagues. “It’s such hard work standing around for someone else to push a 9-pound human out of her golden vagina.”
With the rest of England also awaiting the royal birth, Oliver — a native of Birmingham — took the opportunity to boast about the fanfare that will accompany the infant’s arrival, including a 62-round salute held at the Tower of London.
“That’s right — cannons, motherfucker,” Oliver exulted. “Let me ask you, did Kim [Kardashian] and Kanye [West’s] baby get cannons? No, I think not. At best, she got Nick Cannon, and that is not as good.”
Watch Oliver’s take on the wait for the royal baby, aired Tuesday on Comedy Central, below.