Stephen Colbert welcomed the news on Tuesday that the Transportation Security Authority (TSA) was moving beyond airport security into train and bus stations and sporting events.
"They have the safety of this nation in the palm of their hands -- also, your genitals," Colbert said. "And they're finding all sorts of places to do it."
Colbert did point out that the expansion comes after a federal report noted an increase in reports of misconduct by TSA agents.
"What you want to do is spread that misconduct over a broader sample size," he said. "Just like if you ever cheat on your girlfriend, you have to get a bunch more girlfriends, so you're more faithful per capita."
Colbert also argued that the expansion, to be handled under the TSA's Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response (VIPR) program, also covered cars (particularly NASCAR racers) and should apply to the oldest transportation system of all -- your legs.
"With all the threats out there, wouldn't you feel more comfortable with a TSA agent clinging to one at all times?" Colbert asked his audience.
Watch Colbert defend the TSA and the VIPR program, aired Tuesday on Comedy Central, below.