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Eric Cartman becomes the new Edward Snowden on ‘South Park’

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On the season premiere of Comedy Central’s “South Park,” which aired on Wednesday, Sep. 25, 9-year-old Eric Cartman put on a disguise and changed his name to “Bill Clinton” so he could get a job at the NSA. In the clips below, Cartman got a tour of the NSA facility, then proceeded to become a whistleblower on the agency’s nefarious practices.

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An NSA executive explained to Cartman that for the organization to read every email Americans send and listen in to every phone call, it takes a tremendous amount of manpower.

“If you think you’ve got the stomach for this, then we could definitely use your help, young man,” said the executive, who bore a strong resemblance to the character Arvin Sloane (actor Ron Rifkin) from the TV series “Alias.”

In the second clip, Cartman mused via the social medium “Sh*tter,” — which is only used by himself and actor Alec Baldwin — that he hopes to keep himself from being outed as a whistleblower before he can expose the NSA’s operation.

Accessing his file, Cartman found that the NSA has listed him as “fat and unimportant.” He confronted the agency, calling himself “the NSA’s worst nightmare,” to which the Arvin Sloane look-alike responded by showing him the agency’s darkest secret. The NSA is torturing Santa Claus to find out who’s naughty and who’s nice, who’s a threat and who isn’t.

It was then that Cartman took out a coach’s whistle and fulfilled his destiny as a whistleblower.

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“And everybody,” he said, “is gonna think I’m super cool.”

Watch the video, embedded below via Comedy Central:

Part One:

Part Two:

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Part Three:

[hat-tip to The Daily Banter]

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2020 Election

Nicolle Wallace takes down conservative Peggy Noonan’s anti-Kamala Harris hit-piece: ‘You don’t know jack-bleep’

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Conservative Peggy Noonan issued a sexist hit-piece on Sen. Kamala Harris (D-CA) in the Wall Street Journal over the weekend that called the historic vice presidential nominee "frivolous."

"She's facing the kind of criticism that's going to sound familiar to a lot of women," said MSNBC host Nicolle Wallace. "In a column in the Wall Street Journal, Peggy Noonan writes this: 'For her part, vice presidential nominee Kamala Harris is -- when on the trail -- giddy. She's dancing with drum lines and beginning rallies with 'what's up, Florida!' She's throwing her head back, and laughing a loud laugh, especially when whether nobody said anything funny. She's the younger candidate going for the younger vote and happy warrior vibe but coming across as insubstantial, frivolous."

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2020 Election

Donald Trump Jr. says COVID death rate is ‘good stuff’ that ‘shouldn’t end your life’

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Ignoring the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans, Donald Trump Jr. argued on Monday that people "shouldn't end your life" due to COVID-19.

The president's son made the remarks at a campaign event in Lake Township, Ohio where he claimed that Democratic nominee Joe Biden would "lock down the country forever."

"If you're susceptible, you take reasonable precautions," he opined. "If you're young and you don't, you've got to live."

"They don't understand that," Trump continued. "They don't talk about the death rate plummeting or any of the good stuff. They just say, 'Well, the infection rate is up.'"

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2020 Election

‘It’s been a disaster’: Republican evangelical says Trump ‘is not the savior of the universe’ — so she flipped

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Speaking to MSNBC on Monday, a self-described Republican evangelical former supporter of President Donald Trump said that she's turning to former Vice President Joe Biden.

Talking to reporter Chris Jansing in her yard in Ohio, Hannah explained that she found it "so discouraging" to watch Trump not take the coronavirus seriously.

"In one sense he was saying it is not a big deal and it's just going to go away," she said. "And then we find out he was lying about that, knowing the danger and not wanting to tell us."

But it was Cindy, who was the big surprise. She's been an anti-Planned Parenthood activist, for whom abortion was her top issue. But she came to the realization that no president can unilaterally change the country's abortion laws.

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