Last night, Stephen Colbert assured his audience that he doesn't "want to bring you depressing stories night after night," which is why he's finally "happy to have some good news to report":


"Millions of Americans can't get health insurance."

"The ObamaCare website is a disaster," he said, "and I am loving it. This techno-turd taco will be Barack Obama's true legacy."

"It's his Gettysburg address, if Lincoln had said, 'Four score and Error 404, Emancipation Not Found."

"I suppose that won't be his only legacy," Colbert continued. "He'll still have that beer summit and his 'all-you-can-kill' robot buffet."

After expressing no surprise at the fact that a website that "relies on 'separately designed database[s] and piece[s] of software [from] 55 contractors'" was having difficulties, especially since the lead programming group was -- "Canadian."

Watch video of his opening segment, as well as the entirety of "Stephen Colbert's 'I Tried to Sign Up for ObamaCare -- Healthcare House of Horrors," below.

Opening:

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"Stephen Colbert's 'I Tried to Sign Up for ObamaCare -- Healthcare House of Horrors" Part 1:

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"Stephen Colbert's 'I Tried to Sign Up for ObamaCare -- Healthcare House of Horrors" Part 2:

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