Maggie Gallagher’s terrible horrible no good people-having-the-wrong-kind-of-sex week
Homo Hatin’ Maggie Gallagher has undoubtedly had worse weeks in her life like that week when she finally admitted that despite her best efforts to spread the Gospel of Bigotry, people were all, “Nah. We kinda like butt sexing“:
“On every key measure, marriage is weaker,” she writes. “The consequences are more obviously unsustainable, yet culturally powerful voices are less willing to engage, and the power of porn and Hollywood to create our norms for family life is more triumphant than ever.”
Gallagher believes men must lead all households, which must consist of a husband, a wife, and children.
“Without a powerful ideal of masculinity that points men toward marriage and fatherhood, more and more young men are deciding the hard work of becoming marriageable is not worth it: Porn, beer, video games with the guys, freedom and fleeting sexual encounters are good enough.
The most urgent overlooked need is the deep need of boys for masculine ideals. If civilization refuses to provide any, porn and video-game makers will step in to fill the gap.”
Hence Call of Duty: Butt Sex With Beer released just this week. Check your local GameStop for details.
But other awful bad things happened to Maggie Gallagher this week too. In Illinois, home of the manly City of Big Shoulders called Chicago , lawmakers went all limp-wristed and approved not-opposite marriage and now the Chicago Bears are going to become the Chicago Bears … if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
Across the state, gay and lesbian couples and their advocates celebrated as Illinois was poised to become the 15th in the country to allow same-sex marriages. The bill will now go to Gov. Pat Quinn, who has said he will sign it into law.
Bernard Cherkasov, CEO of the gay rights group Equality Illinois, reflected on the end of a yearslong legislative battle: “The first thought that popped into my mind was all those families around the state that I’ve met over the past five years in fighting for marriage equality. The couples, their , their children, all who have waited for this moment.
“And I thought about my own daughter, who is 4 years old, that she will grow up not knowing that the first four years of her life were spent with the state treating her family as second-class citizens. Instead she will grow up with the equal dignity and respect that she deserves.”
Sad face for Maggie Gallagher who thought she had gay-therapy fixed Illinois back in June only to see them slip one through the Glory Hole of Legislation.
Adding to Maggie woes, her internet boyfriend Ken “Cooch, But Not That Kind Of Cooch ” Cucinelli went down yesterday like a person going down for something that is not a sodomy act in Virginia, and Maggie is gnome-hopping mad about it, g-d-mn it! p-ss! sh-t! f-lch!:
They said he was “unelectable.” The RNC put only $3 million into this race. Ken was outspent by a margin of something between 4:1 and 10:1, if you believe the Associated Press.
The Democrats poured everything into trying to lie to voters and portray Cuccinelli as an extremist — and they barely pulled this one out.
Would another $3 million have swung 50,000 votes? The Republicans, starting with Bill Bolling, who undercut Cuccinelli as unelectable have egg all over their faces.
This was a winnable election. How did we give this away to Terry McAuliffe? Some serious soul-searching should be taking place among the anti-tea-party faction.
And now Virginia is probably going to allow non-opposite gayhomofag marriage too, which means that the state that proudly claims to be “for Lovers” will be down with the wrong kind of lovers, like the pee-pee into the poo-poo ones, and not the pure and blessed love that can only exist between one man and one woman and one state-mandated invasive transvaginal wand inserted into a woman against her will because of freedom. And Jesus. And little babies.
But mostly freedom…