Friday night in his weekly "New Rules" segment, Bill Maher contrasted the legacies of Democratic icon President John F. Kennedy, Jr. and Republican demigod, President Ronald W. Reagan, saying that Republicans have gotten the losing end of the deal. Kennedy, he said, was Don Draper, whereas Reagan was Rooster Cogburn.
He began by saying that on the solemn anniversary of President John F. Kennedy Jr.'s assassination, "Republicans should be given some credit today for not saying out what they're really thinking, that he wasn't all that great."
Maher said that he disagrees with that assessment, but "in the interest of reaching across the aisle," he said, he would indulge the notion for a moment.
Republicans don't get a lump in their throat over John F. Kennedy, he said, that's how they feel about former Pres. Ronald Reagan, who he called the Republicans' Kennedy, who they feel undying, "unconditional love" for.
The problem is that the Ronald Reagan they believe in was not really the Ronald Reagan who occupied the White House for eight years.
"Historians will argue forever about whether Kennedy and Reagan were good presidents," Maher continued, "but on this day can we at least agree that Kennedy was cooler?"
Democrats' icon, he said, "was a smart, sexy war hero who wanted to go to the moon." Reagan, on the other hand, was "an old fuddy-duddy" who try to rock denim shirts.
When he entered the White House, Maher said, Reagan was 30 years past his questionable peak as a b-movie actor.
"It would be like in 2016 if the Republicans nominated Judd Nelson," he quipped.
"JFK was far from perfect," he concluded, "but he was a true wit and a sex machine and he knew how to wear a pair of shades. Reagan was an amiable square in a cowboy hat who had sex with a woman he called 'Mommy.'"
Watch the video, embedded below via The Best Damn YouTube Channel Ever: