Always had a hankering to vacation in Oklahoma in order to see a bleak landscape dotted with oil derricks, strip centers, meth-addicted teens hanging out in front of the Sip ‘n Save, and the kind of neon-y glitz and glamour that makes Nebraska look like Wyoming? No? Okay then.
But what if I told you that THIS would be waiting for you?:
Actually, it wouldn’t just be the drawing because it would be stupid to go all the way to Oklahoma just to see a drawing … or to live there for that matter. Nope, the New York–based Satanic Temple is going to give a real not-live statue of Our Dark Lord Goathead Satan H. Christ to the good people of Oklahoma City for freesies just like that time when the French gave Murica that big-ass lady statue that we displayed in the middle of New York Harbor to fool incoming immigrants into thinking that American women are hawt just like French women; a tradition of ‘shading the truth’ that continues to this day on Match.com.
Here are the cool details:
The proposed statue depicts Satan in the form of Baphomet, Time reports, a goat-headed biped complete with horns, hoofs, and wings, sitting against a stone with a pentagram etched into it. Standing on Satan’s sides are two smiling children, and Satan’s lap will also function as a chair “where people of all ages may sit . . . for inspiration and contemplation,” said Satanic Temple spokesperson Lucien Greaves.
Late last year, the American Civil Liberties Union contested the placement of the Ten Commandments on the grounds of the state house, arguing that if the legislature allowed the Ten Commandments, it must allow other religious groups to put up monuments as well.
I think it was a nice touch to model the children after President Barack Obama and Future President Hillary Clinton thereby beating the rush of monuments that will be springing up in tribute to them right after we’re done re-renaming everything that was renamed after Ronald Reagan and right before we hand the country over to the Muslims. Or the Chinese. Some foreigners. Whomever.
But wait! There’s more!:
Following the ACLU’s lead, several other groups requested to erect monuments, including a Hindu group, an animal-rights organization, and the pastafarian Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
May His Noodly Appendages entwine and protect you and yours and, if you sit on His lap to have your picture taken, take care to not sit on His Meatballs because… ow.
WATCH LIVE: Trump addresses the nation after Iran retaliatory missile strike
President Donald Trump will address the nation Wednesday morning on Iran’s attack on two military bases in Iraq hosting U.S. Armed Forces. The missiles were a retaliatory strike in response to Trump’s decision to assassinate General Qassem Soleimani.
The White House had signaled the president would deliver his address Tuesday night, but walked that back and the president, insisting “All is well!” in a Tuesday night tweet promised to speak Wednesday morning.
Here are 11 of the most punchable faces of 2017
Remember back when 2016 began and the world held so much promise and then a bunch of people in the Midwest got mad at Hillary Clinton because she didn't visit their state fair, eat a corn dog and admire their butter cow so they decided to toss a match in the septic tank by voting for Donald Trump to "shake things up"?
That, among other reasons, is how we got to where we are now in Trump Year One: Like A Plague, But Kinda Worse.
It has been a very weird year compared to the past few to the point where someone like Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Zodiac Killer) is barely a blip on our screen because he seems sort of "meh" compared to the daily tsunami of Trump atrocities that have us drowning in depression -- and depending upon Robert Mueller and Zoloft (Ask your doctor if ZOLOFT is right for you) to pull us through.
WATCH LIVE: Sarah Huckabee Sanders holds WH briefing as Trump squabbles with Gold Star families
As President Donald Trump's administration squabbles with the family of Sgt. La David Johnson and Rep. Frederica Wilson (D-FL) over the president's ham-handed attempt to offer condolences to Johnson's widow, many people are failing to ask why U.S. Army Green Berets were in Niger at all.
White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders is expected to receive questions about Niger and more queries about the administration's decision to go on the warpath against Wilson with false charges about a 2015 speech.