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Bill Maher: Chris Christie is ‘350 pounds of toast’

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On Friday night, during the “New Rules” segment of “Real Time with Bill Maher,” Maher said that this Valentine’s Day, Americans should remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates.

When you bite into them, he said, “Democrats are too often the Democrats soft and gooey and the Republicans are mostly nuts.”

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Americans, continued Maher, love the new. They love new phones, new apps, new restaurants, as well as “the new app that tells us about the new restaurant.”

This is also true, he said, in presidential politics.

“Voters say they want experience,” he said, “but time after time, the party nominates the guy we don’t know that well and he wins. And when they nominate the older guy who’s waited his turn, they lose; Bob Dole, Al Gore, John McCain, John Kerry, Walter Mondale, Mitt Romney.”

“America looked at all of them and said, ‘Where’s the mystery?'” he said. “‘Where’s the romance?’ Or in McCain’s case, ‘Where’s the pulse?'”

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The public wants someone to get excited about, he said, someone they haven’t had a chance to grow weary of.

Hillary Clinton has her own set of baggage, he said, but Republicans are doing themselves a disservice by dredging up the Monica Lewinsky scandal. People aren’t going to follow their reasoning that Hillary was somehow to blame “that her husband got blown when he was president in the 90s.”

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The person who really should have heeded the lesson of getting in early, Maher said, is Chris Christie, who blew his chance to run as a vice presidential nominee on the Romney ticket or even to run for president himself.

Now people look at Christie, Maher said, “and think ‘Scandal.'” Whereas, they used to just look at him and think, “Thank god that humans invented clothing.”

“Three months ago, Christie was such a shoo-in for the White House that they were practically measuring which wall to knock down to get the forklift in.”

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“But now he’s 350 pounds of toast,” he concluded, “because the longer you stay in, the more likely some bad thing will stick to you. It could be anything, a land deal from 25 years ago, an illegal nanny, the fact that you’re a witch.”

Or, he said, pitching a huge tantrum and not letting people cross a bridge.

“Politicians are like suede jackets,” quipped Maher. “There are cheap ones and expensive ones, but once they get rain on them, they all look like shit.”

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Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. Like you, we here at Raw Story believe in the power of progressive journalism — and we’re investing in investigative reporting as other publications give it the ax. Raw Story readers power David Cay Johnston’s DCReport, which we've expanded to keep watch in Washington. We’ve exposed billionaire tax evasion and uncovered White House efforts to poison our water. We’ve revealed financial scams that prey on veterans, and efforts to harm workers exploited by abusive bosses. We’ve launched a weekly podcast, “We’ve Got Issues,” focused on issues, not tweets. Unlike other news outlets, we’ve decided to make our original content free. But we need your support to do what we do.

Raw Story is independent. You won’t find mainstream media bias here. We’re not part of a conglomerate, or a project of venture capital bros. From unflinching coverage of racism, to revealing efforts to erode our rights, Raw Story will continue to expose hypocrisy and harm. Unhinged from corporate overlords, we fight to ensure no one is forgotten.

We need your support to keep producing quality journalism and deepen our investigative reporting. Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Invest with us in the future. Make a one-time contribution to Raw Story Investigates, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you.



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Michael Moore breaks down why Trump is ‘scared’ of The Squad: ‘They’re the force out there!’

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Legendary filmmaker Michael Moore revealed why President Donald Trump is so scared of the women of color in Congress known as The Squad.

The Squad is made up of Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY), Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN), Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-MA) and Rep. Rashida Tlaib (D-MI).

"So, Michael, when your political opposition tells you this is the play we’re going to run and the president underscores it, and they’re running this play, is there any — is The Squad blameless for giving the president a steady stream of oxygen and ammunition?" MSNBC's Brian Williams asked.

"I’m so glad he’s that frightened of them, both he and [Benjamin] Netanyahu are scared of them. And the reason they are is — and this is why Trump isn’t as dumb as he comes off," Moore said.

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Rick Wilsons destroys Trump for ’punitive ‘dickishness’ and ‘performative assh*lery’ on HBO’s Real Time

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Republican strategist Rick Wilson slammed the Trump administration on HBO's "Real Time" with Bill Maher on Friday.

Wilson is the author of the 2018 book Everything Trump Touches Dies: A Republican Strategist Gets Real About the Worst President Ever.

The GOP consultant said America needs to replace the "Goddamn oil lobbyist who runs the f*cking EPA right now."

"This is just punitive dickishness by these people," Wilson charged. "They're just doing this to be *ssholes, they want their base to be like, 'we're taking those regulations away."

"It is just performative assh*lery," he added.

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Bill Maher rips Trump’s recession — says new slogan should be ‘Make America Atlantic City Again’

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The host of "Real Time" on HBO sarcastically mocked President Donald Trump for being a "financial genius" as the nation braces for a recession.

Comedian Bill Mayer began by noting that Trump "wants to buy Greenland and rename it New Ivanka" the president's "two Nurenberg rallies."

But he quickly moved to discuss the stock market turmoil.

"Trump, the financial genius, is driving the economy off a cliff," he said.

"Make America Atlantic City Again," should be his new slogan.

"Did you see what happened to the stock market this week? I spent more time gasping for breath than Jeffrey Epstein," Maher added.

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