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Bill Maher: Chris Christie is ‘350 pounds of toast’

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On Friday night, during the “New Rules” segment of “Real Time with Bill Maher,” Maher said that this Valentine’s Day, Americans should remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates.

When you bite into them, he said, “Democrats are too often the Democrats soft and gooey and the Republicans are mostly nuts.”

Americans, continued Maher, love the new. They love new phones, new apps, new restaurants, as well as “the new app that tells us about the new restaurant.”

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This is also true, he said, in presidential politics.

“Voters say they want experience,” he said, “but time after time, the party nominates the guy we don’t know that well and he wins. And when they nominate the older guy who’s waited his turn, they lose; Bob Dole, Al Gore, John McCain, John Kerry, Walter Mondale, Mitt Romney.”

“America looked at all of them and said, ‘Where’s the mystery?'” he said. “‘Where’s the romance?’ Or in McCain’s case, ‘Where’s the pulse?'”

The public wants someone to get excited about, he said, someone they haven’t had a chance to grow weary of.

Hillary Clinton has her own set of baggage, he said, but Republicans are doing themselves a disservice by dredging up the Monica Lewinsky scandal. People aren’t going to follow their reasoning that Hillary was somehow to blame “that her husband got blown when he was president in the 90s.”

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The person who really should have heeded the lesson of getting in early, Maher said, is Chris Christie, who blew his chance to run as a vice presidential nominee on the Romney ticket or even to run for president himself.

Now people look at Christie, Maher said, “and think ‘Scandal.'” Whereas, they used to just look at him and think, “Thank god that humans invented clothing.”

“Three months ago, Christie was such a shoo-in for the White House that they were practically measuring which wall to knock down to get the forklift in.”

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“But now he’s 350 pounds of toast,” he concluded, “because the longer you stay in, the more likely some bad thing will stick to you. It could be anything, a land deal from 25 years ago, an illegal nanny, the fact that you’re a witch.”

Or, he said, pitching a huge tantrum and not letting people cross a bridge.

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“Politicians are like suede jackets,” quipped Maher. “There are cheap ones and expensive ones, but once they get rain on them, they all look like shit.”

Watch the video, embedded below:


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Steve Schmidt breaks down why Joe Biden should be an ‘easy’ choice for moderate Republicans

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On MSNBC Friday, former GOP strategist Steve Schmidt criticized Sen. Lisa Murkowski's (R-AK) claim that she was struggling over whether to support the president — and laid out why she should unequivocally decide she doesn't.

"We saw the president direct violence against peaceful protesters this week, and seen the president lie to the country nearly 20,000 times," said Schmidt. "We've seen the president divide the country and incite violence. And we've seen a level of ineptitude in this historic pandemic that defied description, but included standing in front of the nation when tens of thousands are dead, talking about his ratings or telling the American people that it is a good idea to ingest or household disinfectants. We've seen a president preside over the shattering of an economy. We have seen a president race-bait, demean, disgrace his office, to desecrate the bonds of affection that exist between us as Americans."

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‘Not appropriate at all’: GOP senator admits it was wrong to gas protesters for Trump’s photo-op

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The decision to gas protesters so President Donald Trump could hold a photo-op holding a Bible were criticized by a Republican senator on Friday as cracks start to emerge in Republicans' support for the president.

"As you know, outside the White House when protesters were peacefully exercising their rights, there were rubber bullets and tear gas, they were disbursed so he could go for the pictures, the photo-op at the church," CNN's Erin Burnett reported.

She noted criticism by former General Mattis and asked Sen. Tim Scott (R-SC) if he agreed.

"I would say no question the scene that I understand occurred there with the tear gas and rubber bullets was unnecessary, not appropriate at all," he replied.

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‘A coward and a commander’: New Lincoln Project ad contrasts Trump with James Mattis

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On Friday, the conservative anti-Trump group The Lincoln Project released a new attack ad against President Donald Trump — this time using the criticism of his former Defense Secretary James Mattis, and comparing and contrasting their leadership ability.

"This is the story of a coward and a commander," said the ad's narrator. "The coward Trump dodged the draft. Jim Mattis led American troops for forty years. While a frightened Trump hides from protesters in a deep bunker firing off tweets, Jim Mattis does what he's always done: Leads. While Donald Trump angrily attacks, General Mattis' words deserve to be heard by every American."

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