On Wednesday night’s episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert mercilessly attacked middle-class Canadian “ice-holes” for having the audacity of being more affluent than their American counterparts.
“As you all know, I’m a big fan of numbered lists,” Colbert said.
“And the main reason I love them is because America is always at the top,” he continued. “We are #1 in billionaires, worker productivity, and percentage of population behind bars.”
“But sadly, I might be falling out of love with lists, and here’s the #1 reason why,” he said, before cutting to clips of news anchors announcing that Canada’s middle class is now the most affluent in the world.
“Yes,” Colbert said, “Canada’s middle class is now beating ours. They’re bringing home more of the bacon — and even worse, it’s that round shit.”
“How is Canada’s middle class doing so well?” he asked. “I mean, they’ve got socialized medicine, subsidized child care, and high taxes for the rich.”
“There are only two possible reasons we are falling behind the ice-holes: one, America’s middle class is lazy; or two, America doesn’t have enough tax cuts for the wealthy.”
“Just think about it folks,” he continued. “How can we rich trickle down prosperity to everyone else unless we have all the money? Our cup must filleth before it runneth over.”
Watch the entire episode of The Colbert Report from April 23, 2014 via Hulu below.