On last night's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert feigned ecstasy upon learning that Department of Veterans Affairs has been mistreating military veterans.
"There was a secret list to see a doctor," Colbert said. "They should have been tipped off by the bouncers outside the O.R."
"There are now similar claims in 12 states," he said, "and the American Legion is now calling for the Secretary of Veterans Affairs, Eric Shinseki, to resign. So far, he's refused -- probably because he knows that once he retires, he'll have to use healthcare from the VA"
"Worst of all, for years the president has claimed he would fix this," Colbert said, before cutting to a montage of President Obama discussing the problems with Veterans Affairs. The final clip showed Obama claiming that he "promised to strengthen the VA, and that promise has been kept."
"Yes," Colbert interjected, "that promise has been kept, but he's evidently forgotten where he's keeping it. Maybe they should check the shoe box in the back of the White House closet labelled, 'To Do.'"
After noting that the Bush administration had left president-elect Obama's transition team a memo warning them of the difficulties veterans face getting timely care, Colbert said, "there was a memo. It warned them. Bush even personalized it: 'P.S. VA totally f0ed up. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!'"
"Folks, these veterans are suffering under Obama's watch, after he declared them a top priority, and his team had been alerted to misconduct. Do you know what that means?" he asked.
"It means we finally have a real scandal!"
"A REAL SCANDAL!!!"
"I know I've cried wolf before," Colbert continued, "what with Benghazi, the IRS, the AP, 'Fast and Furious,' Solyndra, Obama's uncle, and Obama's aunt."
"I even cried wolf about the secret White House wolf. But this one is different. It's back up by eyewitnesses and documents and the betrayal of sick veterans. It's like Christmas morning!"
Watch the entire episode of The Colbert Report from May 22, 2014 via Hulu below.