In his weekly “New Rules” segment, Real Time host Bill Maher did his best this week to convince Americans that Iraq is just not that into us.
Earlier in the show, he implored President Barack Obama to keep the U.S. out of Iraq’s civil war, a message that he underscored in the show’s final segment.
“Broken nations are a lot like broken people,” said Maher. “You can’t fix them.”
Amid all the calls for American forces to intervene in conflicts around the world, he went on, “maybe America is the one that needs an intervention. Maybe America needs Dr. Phil to come by and say, ‘How’s that nation building working for ya?'”
“Some nations, much like Nick Nolte’s pants,” he quipped, “are never going to change.”
He likened some nations to that one business on a block that always fails. First it’s a Quizno’s, then a nail salon, then a pawn shop.
“It’s not failing because it hates freedom,” Maher said. “It’s just a shitty location.”
“America’s like one of those women who always thinks she can ‘fix’ the bad boy,” he explained. “Vietnam, Pakistan, Somalia, these are all bad boys we couldn’t resist trying to fix.”
“We think, ‘You know, if they just got to know us,'” he said, “I know they’d straighten out.”
He then rolled video clips of Dr. Phil telling women that the men they envision and the men who they are with don’t match. “You love who you think he is,” said the TV counselor to one woman, “not who he is.”
Sure, Maher said, bad boys are exciting, “the great sex, the rug burn…the missing money from your checking account,” but in the end it’s never worth it.
Watch the video, embedded below: