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Jon Stewart: World is so ‘f*cked up,’ Germany and Cleveland are the happiest places on Earth

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Jon Stewart returned to the Daily Show after his vacation, he said, to find a world gone mad.

“Things are so f*cked up in our world, that the two happiest places in the world are Germany and Cleveland,” he fretted.

While the Germans are celebrating their World Cup triumph and Cleveland is happy to get LeBron James back, Stewart said, seemingly every other place on the planet is tied up in catastrophes. In California, he noted, thousands of Central American immigrants have been confronted by protesters telling them, “Go back to Mexico” or saying, “Jesus would not break the law.”

“You mean radical destroyer of the status quo Jesus?” Stewart asked skeptically. “Barging into temples, overthrowing tables Jesus? Breaking the law was kind of his thing. In fact, he didn’t just walk on water, he jaywalked on water. That actually, if I know my Biblical history, is where the ‘j’ in ‘jaywalking’ came from.”

Even in the Middle East, Stewart said, the looming threat of the militant group ISIS overrunning Iraq still didn’t mean “catastrophe classic” was any closer to ending in Israel and Gaza.

While Israelis are able to download an app that warns them of an imminent attack, he explained, Gaza residents are alerted via “warning bombings” in their neighborhoods, followed by a 3-minute evacuation warning.

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“Evacuate to where?” Stewart asked. “Have you f*cking seen Gaza? Israel blocked this border. Egypt blocked this border. What, are they supposed to swim for it?”

Watch Stewart’s commentary, as posted online on Monday, below.


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Trump will go far-right in 2020 election because he thinks that’s why the GOP lost in 2018

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Donald Trump Tampa rally

An MSNBC panel speculated that one of the things President Donald Trump will do when he announces his reelection campaign this week is run a rerun of 2016. The reason, the panel explained, is he thinks it's the one thing that has worked for him.

Sunday, it was announced that Trump was so furious with his lousy poll numbers that he fired the team of pollsters. Trump apologists claimed that the anger had more to do with the leak of the poll numbers to the public.

Either way, Trump is in trouble, whether he's willing to admit it or not. But his solution is characteristically "Trump."

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WATCH: Trump stops ABC film crew to restart interview after his chief of staff coughed

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President Donald Trump was very displeased when his chief of staff had the audacity to cough or sneeze during his interview with ABC's George Stephanopoulos. The full interview finally aired on "20/20" Sunday, showing the president in the Oval Office and outside in the Rose Garden.

The ABC interview showed the moment where Mick Mulvaney coughed, and Trump stopped the interview abruptly.

The two were discussing why Trump wouldn't release his taxes.

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Trump spends ABC interview trying to discredit Robert Mueller as ‘conflicted’

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President Donald Trump spent most of his interview with George Stephanopoulos blasting Special Counsel Robert Mueller, while he incorrectly quoted the report he published.

"I don't care what he says. It doesn't matter," Trump said when Stephanopoulos cited the Mueller report. "He wanted to show everyone what a good counsel he was. Now, he may have gotten confused said with that fact that I've always said, 'Robert Mueller was conflicted. He had numerous conflicts. One of them was the fact that he applied for to job to be the FBI director -- the head of the FBI. And, by the way --"

Stephanopoulos stepped in to say that former top aide Steve Bannon said that it never happened.

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