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Jon Stewart: World is so ‘f*cked up,’ Germany and Cleveland are the happiest places on Earth

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Jon Stewart returned to the Daily Show after his vacation, he said, to find a world gone mad.

“Things are so f*cked up in our world, that the two happiest places in the world are Germany and Cleveland,” he fretted.

While the Germans are celebrating their World Cup triumph and Cleveland is happy to get LeBron James back, Stewart said, seemingly every other place on the planet is tied up in catastrophes. In California, he noted, thousands of Central American immigrants have been confronted by protesters telling them, “Go back to Mexico” or saying, “Jesus would not break the law.”

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“You mean radical destroyer of the status quo Jesus?” Stewart asked skeptically. “Barging into temples, overthrowing tables Jesus? Breaking the law was kind of his thing. In fact, he didn’t just walk on water, he jaywalked on water. That actually, if I know my Biblical history, is where the ‘j’ in ‘jaywalking’ came from.”

Even in the Middle East, Stewart said, the looming threat of the militant group ISIS overrunning Iraq still didn’t mean “catastrophe classic” was any closer to ending in Israel and Gaza.

While Israelis are able to download an app that warns them of an imminent attack, he explained, Gaza residents are alerted via “warning bombings” in their neighborhoods, followed by a 3-minute evacuation warning.

“Evacuate to where?” Stewart asked. “Have you f*cking seen Gaza? Israel blocked this border. Egypt blocked this border. What, are they supposed to swim for it?”

Watch Stewart’s commentary, as posted online on Monday, below.

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‘Don’t mess with me’: Pelosi’s presser ends with a bang as she blasts reporter for asking if she ‘hates’ Trump

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House Speaker Nancy Pelosi strongly rebuked a reporter who asked whether she hated President Donald Trump.

The California Democrat announced Thursday morning that she had asked Judiciary Committee chairman Jerry Nadler to draft articles of impeachment, and she then announced that the committee would hear evidence in the case in a hearing Monday.

"Ukraine was the vehicle of the president's actions (but) this isn't about Ukraine," Pelosi said. "This is about Russians. Who benefited? Who benefited from that holding that military assistance?"

"All roads lead to Putin," she added. "Understand that."

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‘Our democracy is what’s at stake’: Pelosi shreds Trump in blistering endorsement of impeachment

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Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) on Thursday endorsed drafting articles of impeachment against President Donald Trump and made the case that the president's actions made him a threat to American democracy.

During her address, Pelosi explained that the stakes in impeaching Trump were the very foundations of American government.

"Our democracy is at stake," she said. "The president leaves us no choice but to act because he is trying to corrupt, once again, the election for his own benefit. The president has engaged in abuse of power, undermining our national security, and jeopardizing the integrity of our elections."

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2020 Election

‘A president the world is laughing at’: Biden releases new ad attacking Trump — and it’s getting widely praised

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Former Vice President Joe Biden, still the Democratic frontrunner, Wednesday night released an ad that has many people talking – it's already been viewed 5.4 million times – and it's getting praise from even non-Biden supporters.

The ad uses footage from the viral video of world leaders at NATO mocking President Donald Trump – a video that upset the American president so greatly he left London early, canceling a press conference and bilateral meeting, to head back to D.C.

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