On last night’s episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert addressed the humanitarian crisis at the Mexican border.
“I come to you with a heavy heart and bloated liver,” he began, “because I’ve been drinking a lot thinking about this wave of unaccompanied minors flooding into America, fleeing Guatemala, Honduras, and I believe, El Diablo.”
“This is a clear humanitarian crisis, and I want to be clear about something — I am a human. I’m not a monster. I care for these kids so very publicly.”
Colbert then cut a montage of Fox News personalities professing their affection for these immigrant children, including Laura Ingraham, who said, “I love the Latin American people.”
“I, too, have a deep love for the Latin American people,” Colbert replied. “These kids just aren’t invading our country, they’re invading in here,” he said, pointing at his heart.
“With our hearts full of love for the Latin American people,” he continued, “it’s clear what we must do.”
“It’s time to start deporting people,” Ingraham says in another clip. “Not by the hundreds, not by the dozens, not by the tens, but by the thousands.”
“It’s a tough love,” Colbert replied, “or a very soft hate. But remember the old saying: ‘If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, send heavily armed troops to scare it away.'”
Later, Colbert cut to Fox News discussing the “luxury resort” in Texas to which the Obama administration is sending some of these of these children. “It’s got three pools, a tennis court, jacuzzi, wifi,” one anchor said, before asking, “is that an appropriate proposal to try and house some of these kids?”
“No!” Colbert responded. “Let’s agree not to pay for Pablo’s continental breakfast!” He then began to read actual reviews of the “resort” from TripAdvisor. “Terrible hotel,” one reviewer wrote, adding “mold and musty, sunken couch…broken handle on shower…stained sheets.” Another declared, “this is the worst hotel I have ever stayed in.”
Watch the entire July 17, 2014 episode of The Colbert Report below.