Stephen Colbert: 'If we put a woman on the dollar bill, it'll only be worth 77 cents!'
Stephen Colbert (Screen shot)

On last night's episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert discussed Obama's new thinking on monetary policy.


"Under Obama's leadership," he began by asking, "are you as rich as you'd like to be? Because I know I could imagine me having more money. Now, just listen to the latest monetary policy the president is getting from his so-called economic advisors."

Colbert then played a clip of Obama recounting how a young girl wrote to ask why there weren't any women on American currency. She sent the president "a long list" of potential female candidates, to which he said, "that's a pretty good idea."

"A pretty good idea?" Colbert replied. "Just look at our money! It took over 200 years for our currency to achieve the perfect balance of dead white guys and secret Illuminati symbols."

"Think of the economic consequences here!" he continued. "If we put a woman on the one-dollar bill, it'll only be worth seventy-seven cents!"

"From a moral point of view," Colbert went on to say, "if my wallet is filled with ladies, I can't keep it next to my butt -- I'm a married man! And what about when you and your bros are having a guy's night out? If there's a female face on the money, tucking it into a g-string might somehow feel demeaning to women."

"Sure," he concluded, "right now there aren't any portraits of women on our cash, but there are plenty of portraits of women in other important places -- bathroom signs, mud-flaps, syrup bottles. If women get on paper money, I demand a Mr. Butterworth!"

Watch the entire July 31, 2014 episode of The Colbert Report via Hulu below.