According to the Internet, which is a diligently fact-checked compendium of irrefutable and easily observable truths, the new Miss America is a baby-killing murderess who will probably use her U.S.A! tiara as a IUD to kill all of her future slut-babies, therefore she must be stopped before she goes on a multi-state smiling and hand-waving spree.
Or something very close to that. We should probably check this out to be sure.
As you probably have heard, the only way for a woman to go to college these days in ‘Murica is with financial assistance — called “scholarships” — which are only available to young women willing to parade around in bathing suits — with their boobs securely taped in place — before ‘judgey-types’ who, like all beauty pageant viewers, are gay. The winner gets to go to college to become either a otolaryngologist or aesthetician, depending upon which one they can pronounce. The
losers runners-up end up working car shows or becoming trophy wives with substance abuse issues, so it’s kind of like The Hunger Games but with real hunger and Vaselined teeth.
It used to be that winner of the Big Beauty Pageant Enchilada –by which I mean Miss America — would eventually end up as a hostess on some morning show where she would have to force herself to not stare at Matt Lauer’s hairline which is receding faster that the polar ice cap. But now every Miss America is a political hot tater because President Obummer has divided us. Thanks a lot, Obama! You broke America.
This year the Miss America pageant people selected New York’s Kira Kazantsev to represent all that is good about America like, I don’t know, Cappuccino-flavored potato chips or something. Ms. Kazantsev broke new ground in the talent segment of the pageant by singing a popular ditty while accompanying herself on beer pong cup.
If you are a
loser runner-up who spent eighteen years training to be a classical violinist: it sucks to be you. Now go point out the features of the new Kia Sportage, because your smoke break was over 5 minutes ago. And smile, dammit.
As you might have suspected, there is trouble on the pageant trail this year as panty-sniffing Steven Ertelt reports at LifeNews:
You probably know her best as the newly-crowned Miss America or the contestant who belted out the infectious pop tune “happy” as she gleefully tapped on a red solo cup. But here’s something you probably didn’t know about the new Miss America.
Kira Kazantsev, who represented New York state as Miss New York, worked at the Planned Parenthood abortion business — the nation’s biggest abortion company.
Did she run the baby-woodchipper? Tell us more! We need to know.
According to her Linked-In profile, Kazantsev interned at Planned Parenthood in Hempstead, New York. Her job duties at the company that snuffs out of the lives of young baby girls? “Assisted delivery of programs in local public schools, teaching children about mutual respect & self-esteem” and “Conducted research on Planned Parenthood Education.”
“…. teaching children about mutual respect & self-esteem”? It’s like she’s some kind of ‘human dignity and etiquette-trollop,’ and therefore unclean.
On the other hand, she gets points from the MRA crowd for only “snuffing” out the lives of “young baby girls,” who would eventually grow up and break some guy’s heart and then he’d have to break her face leading him to not being able see his kids anymore because the courts are racist against wife-beaters. So there’s that.
So the woman representing the nation as the new Miss America interned for the very organization that has killed millions of Americans in abortions.
Some might say that.
Others might say that she volunteered her time to teach children to respect their bodies and the bodies of others, that sex is natural and not dirty, and how to protect themselves from disease and unwanted pregnancy if they are going to have sex. She also probably mentioned that Planned Parenthood is not just about sexuality but also offers low-cost physical exams, pap-smears, flu vaccines, and screening for various common maladies.
So, you know, to-ma-to, to-mah-to.
Needless to say, the fetus-fetishists are displeased:
This is your Miss America in bizzarro insane libtard land. No talent and worked at Planned Parenthood. DISGRACEFUL! //t.co/8b1D7ZkrpK
— Patriot (@Patriot7112010) September 16, 2014
Miss America worked at Planned Parenthood? //t.co/srFHUvub3T
— toddstarnes (@toddstarnes) September 16, 2014
@GretchenCarlson ask Ms America why she worked at a Planned Parenthood office!!!
— dennis tantalo (@limabulldog94) September 16, 2014
Our new Miss America 2015 worked at Planned Parenthood… What a joke she is..
— Gracie Lane (@gracie_lane777) September 16, 2014
Now you COULD go the the Twitter and twitter-argue with these people which would be fruitless and a complete waste of all cap-typing on their part, or you could go here and make a donation to Planned Parenthood in Kira Kazantsev’s name to thank her for her volunteer work.
Just use the money you were going to blow on Cappuccino-flavored potato chips, which is the real wrong here….