#EmployRoy: The ‘Employ Roy Edroso Because He Is A National Treasure And Not The Girl In This Picture’ Project
If you were to do a search on Shutterstock (like I did) looking for a picture of of a ‘blogger’ (like I also did) you would likely come up with a photo like the one above.
Read the caption: “Young creative woman sitting in the floor with laptop./ Casual blogger woman working in her fashion office.”
Bloggers, as you will note, are attractive and carefree millennials working in brightly lit and tasteful surroundings, cheerily bringing news and commentary of the world to the masses who are usually at work when they are checking out the latest in important breaking news– like Jennifer Lawrence sideboob shots or ‘Twelve celebrities who have surprisingly small feet’ — instead of doing their jobs.
Sure. That’s not you, it’s other people. You’re on a break, so it’s totally cool.
Of course that description of bloggers is slightly inaccurate so, for the sake of accuracy, scrap the “….carefree millennials working in brightly lit and tasteful surroundings, cheerily bringing news and commentary of the world to the masses” part. You can leave the ‘attractive’ because I know from experience that all bloggers are extraordinarily attractive and desirable people which is why they became bloggers in the first place: working from home instead of leaving the house, risking being kidnapped by a Duggar and added to their breeding stock at their Eugenics For Jesus Factory Farm.
Of course bloggers as we knew them ten years ago, when they were as plentiful as buffalo on the American plains before we killed them all to prove that the 2nd Amendment rocks, are now as rare as a coherent thought from Sarah Palin. Maybe not that rare.
Most have been co-opted and have gone to work for THE MAN for filthy blood-soaked capitalist lucre, or for free [insert bitter Huffington Post comment here], or just faded away and became too prolific Twitter-Twatterers.
One who has doggedly persevered though the years is the great Roy Edroso — elegant and erudite phrase-turning man of letters and former Reverb Motherfuckers member — who has plied his trade at alicublog for our enjoyment, lo these many years. Roy sold out to the man just a little — like only putting the tip in– writing the Monday morning Running Scared rightbloggers recap for the Village Voice, after stripping to the waist and wading into the rwingnut blog cesspool in search of chunklets of derp for our LOLing pleasure.
Unfortunately, the Voice has decided that Roy’s services are no longer needed after six years of, as the kids say: “reading them so I don’t have to.”
Village Voice Media informs me they’re cancelling the Rightbloggers column forthwith for budgetary reasons. I swear, when I went by the Voice offices each week to pick up my sacks of Kruggerrands, I thought those malnourished children were some kind of joke. Apparently not. Things is tough in journalism!
In any event, I had a column ready, so here it is, on my own premises: It’s about the Ebola, and how Obama snuck it in America’s back door because he hates this fucking country and wants to see it overthrown by radical Islam, which totally rocks.
Have a look, have fun, and if you have comments leave them here. As for next week and the weeks to come, I’ll figure something out.
Needless to say this is a national disgrace because Roy is a Fucking National Treasure, who should have a regular paying gig writing commentary somewhere, slipping his rhetorical shiv in between the 7th and 8th rib of a conservative and giving it a delicate twist and wiggle.
While the secret leftwing email listserv, DestroyAmerika!!!AbortBabiesList, will no doubt get the word out, please see your way to maybe possibly sorta kinda dropping a hint here and there at one of those websites you visit when you’re at work and you’re supposed to be working on next years budget or awaiting for the launch codes in order to destroy mankind as we know it.
Let’s employ Roy. To make the Baby Jesus cry.