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#Benghazi is dead, long live #Benghazi because zombie #Benghazi will never die

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The Friday night news dump is a venerable institution in Washington used by both parties to hide stuff you should know about in plain sight … but if you don’t hear about it, well, that’s cool too.

The  way it works is the White House or one committee or department or another will issue a somewhat important press release late in the day on Friday when most beltway reporters are deep into their cups, trying to wash a week’s worth of politics out of their mouths like a hooker following a jam-packed 14-hour shift.

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This past Friday was no exception with the White House announcing that  Susan E. “Susie” Morrison has been hired as the new pastry chef BY IMPERIAL EXECUTIVE FIAT or something. Upon discovering this underhanded appointment on Monday, Republicans will no doubt want to know how she feels about cronuts versus bagels, keeping in mind, of course, that Israel is America’s bestest friend forever times infinity.

Choose wisely, “Susie,” lest we have #cronutgate.

Let’s see…what did Republicans want us to kinda-sorta know about going into the weekend?

Oh, yes, this (and I have emphasized the key points in case you are in a hurry):

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A two-year investigation by the Republican-controlled House Intelligence Committee has found that the CIA and the military acted properly in responding to the 2012 attack on a U.S. diplomatic compound in Benghazi, Libya, and asserted no wrongdoing by Obama administration appointees.

Debunking a series of persistent allegations hinting at dark conspiracies, the investigation of the politically charged incident determined that there was no intelligence failure, no delay in sending a CIA rescue team, no missed opportunity for a military rescue, and no evidence the CIA was covertly shipping arms from Libya to Syria.

That version is for the reality-based community.

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Here it is again if you are a conservative (again, emphasis mine):

A two-year investigation by the Republican-controlled House Intelligence Committee has found that the CIA and the military acted properly in responding to the 2012 attack on a U.S. diplomatic compound in Benghazi, Libya, and asserted no wrongdoing by Obama administration appointees.

Debunking a series of persistent allegations hinting at dark conspiracies, the investigation of the politically charged incident determined that there was no intelligence failure, no delay in sending a CIA rescue team, no missed opportunity for a military rescue, and no evidence the CIA was covertly shipping arms from Libya to Syria.

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Shorter Benghazi report: We spent millions investigating a fake pre-election scandal and we didn’t find dick.

Whoops. How awkward.

Conservatives immediately issued profoundly sincere apologies to the  American public, asking for forgiveness, with many stepping down to devote their lives to quiet contemplation after finding themselves in “disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,” —-

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Oh, who the hell am I kidding?

They blew it off like it was military service, and they were expected to enlist. As if…

Over at Fox — where they previously devoted over 16 hours and 27 minutes to Benghazi coverage — Ed Henry spent a whole thirty seconds on the report, before floating a junior varsity Alex Jones-esque conspiracy theory.

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On the Twitter, destroyer of civilizations Bill Kristol sent out his top “I’ll say anything for a paycheck” cabana boy, Stephen Hayes — author of ‘Saddam Hussein, with al Qaeda, In The Parlor With A Candlestick — Yahtzee!‘ (only 99 cents on Kindle, such a deal!) —  to respond minutes after the report was released:

Like what?

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That seems weird. The first of six Congressional investigations on Benghazi began on October 18, 2012 and, according to my Great American Conservative Women Calendar, it’s almost December 2014.

At which point Hayes suddenly departed the Twitter, leaving us all hanging on and wondering, “When will this waste of resources and time and money finally come to end, because it’s been six committees and $14 million dollars later and you guys don’t have jackshit to show for it?”

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And the answer is “Never. We will never stop, because #benghazi is forever and it will never die. Besides, we need to use it to dog Killary in 2016 and because these guys are still around and maybe, this time, totally this time, we’ll come up with something. Maybe a blowjob…”

Seventh or eighth time is a charm, I hear….

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Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. Like you, we here at Raw Story believe in the power of progressive journalism — and we’re investing in investigative reporting as other publications give it the ax. Raw Story readers power David Cay Johnston’s DCReport, which we've expanded to keep watch in Washington. We’ve exposed billionaire tax evasion and uncovered White House efforts to poison our water. We’ve revealed financial scams that prey on veterans, and efforts to harm workers exploited by abusive bosses. We’ve launched a weekly podcast, “We’ve Got Issues,” focused on issues, not tweets. Unlike other news sites, we’ve decided to make our original content free. But we need your support to do what we do.

Raw Story is independent. You won’t find mainstream media bias here. We’re not part of a conglomerate, or a project of venture capital bros. From unflinching coverage of racism, to revealing efforts to erode our rights, Raw Story will continue to expose hypocrisy and harm. Unhinged from corporate overlords, we fight to ensure no one is forgotten.

We need your support to keep producing quality journalism and deepen our investigative reporting. Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Invest with us in the future. Make a one-time contribution to Raw Story Investigates, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you.



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Remember back when 2016 began and the world held so much promise and then a bunch of people in the Midwest got mad at Hillary Clinton because she didn't visit their state fair, eat a corn dog and admire their butter cow so they decided to toss a match in the septic tank by voting for Donald Trump to "shake things up"?

That, among other reasons, is how we got to where we are now in Trump Year One: Like A Plague, But Kinda Worse.

It has been a very weird year compared to the past few to the point where someone like Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Zodiac Killer) is barely a blip on our screen because he seems sort of "meh" compared to the daily tsunami of Trump atrocities that have us drowning in depression -- and depending upon Robert Mueller and Zoloft (Ask your doctor if ZOLOFT is right for you) to pull us through.

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Katie McHugh was fired from Breitbart News on Monday after she wrote on Twitter that "there would be no deadly terror attacks in the U.K. if Muslims didn't live there" after a terror attack in London.

Below is an article about McHugh's from 2015. As you can see for yourself, she had a history of racist Twitter rants:

It must be very liberating to be a conservative right now. With fifteen GOP candidates still vying for a job that will never be hired for -- now that Rick Perry finally looks like the smart one by saying "Laters, losers" -- crazy talk wins the hearts and minds of the conservative base and everyone is doing it.

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