Newly desegregated GOP is super bummed that nobody is noticing how black they have become
Not content to be happy that they have acquired enough legislative muscle to set human progress back to a time when doctors using leeches was literally considered ‘bleeding edge,’ Republicans are super unhappy with everyone for not admiring their special new best friends who just so happen TO BE BLACK PEOPLE. No, for reals, they’re black.
Everyone is being so so racist to the GOP by not telling them, “Wow, some of your best friends really ARE black like you always told me. I deeply apologize for doubting you and I guess I shouldn’t be expecting any more of those emails from you with Obama dressed as a witch doctor or watermelons growing on the south lawn of the White House.”
On Tuesday the GOP added both Mia Love of Utah and Tim Scott of South Carolina to their respective House and Senate black caucuses boosting the membership rolls all the way up to one (1) from none (0). Well, actually Scott was already a senator having been appointed by the governor when Jim DeMint left public service to go be insane and racist in the private sector.
Love, on the other hand, took the longer route, spending three years being a “rock star” or “rising GOP star” before being elected by Mormons who, until 1978, thought black people were either Satan or members of the 5th Dimension because ‘Wedding Bell Blues’ is what young Mormon girls start feeling when they turn fourteen or so.
What really got “all up in the grill” of the GOP was when the NAACP failed to give them one of those elaborate black people handshakes for integrating their ranks
What up with that, yo?
In order to express the appropriate outrage, the RNC checked the coffee room and found their other African-American, Raffi “Son Of Juan, Not That Kids Singer” Williams, to be their favorite stereotype: the angry young black man.
“If the [NAACP] was a truly bipartisan org thay [sic] would support all blacks not just dem Blacks,” he said in a tweet. “I wish an org like the [NAACP] would support black ppl of ideologies. Unfortunately they are proving how out of date they are.”
Did the NAACP start playing the dozens with the GOP? (Yo party is whiter than Mitt Romney in a snow storm. Ooooo. Snap!)
Nah. man. They issued a press release that mentioned no candidates, either GOP or liberal communist welfare-cheating baby-making crack-smoking born-in-Kenya street-thug Democrats. Instead they just pointed out that as nice as it is to be able to vote, they’d like it if certain people would, y’now, stop trying to deny them the right to vote.
Needless to say, the GOP took that blood libel to mean that the NAACP was talking about their mama.
Scott is the first black Republican Senator since Edward Brooke represented Massachusetts in the mid-60’s, and Brooke used to bang Barbara Walters, so Scott has got that to look forward to if he plays his cards right.
The GOP was particularly offended because nobody gave “mad props” to Mia Love and, more importantly, to themselves for finally having a Republican African-American woman in the House forty-five years after Shirley Chisholm broke the color barrier in 1969, six years before Love was born.
In fact, prior to Love squeaking in on Tuesday, Democrats have sent thirty (30) African-American women to the House, so maybe demanding that the NAACP treat Love as a pioneer due to their party’s inherent racism and hostility to African-Americans isn’t something you want to call attention to.
Love should be commended for breaking new ground — at least with the Republican Party — and this is a good first baby step for the GOP and maybe someday in the not too distant future they may elect enough Republican African-American women to the House to fill a corner booth at Denny’s. And when that day comes, they might even start thinking about, y’know, stop trying to deny those same African-American women the right to vote in the places in the United States that are not the floor of the House.
Stranger things have happened….