Not content to be happy that they have acquired enough legislative muscle to set human progress back to a time when doctors using leeches was literally considered ‘bleeding edge,’ Republicans are super unhappy with everyone for not admiring their special new best friends who just so happen TO BE BLACK PEOPLE. No, for reals, they’re black.
Everyone is being so so racist to the GOP by not telling them, “Wow, some of your best friends really ARE black like you always told me. I deeply apologize for doubting you and I guess I shouldn’t be expecting any more of those emails from you with Obama dressed as a witch doctor or watermelons growing on the south lawn of the White House.”
On Tuesday the GOP added both Mia Love of Utah and Tim Scott of South Carolina to their respective House and Senate black caucuses boosting the membership rolls all the way up to one (1) from none (0). Well, actually Scott was already a senator having been appointed by the governor when Jim DeMint left public service to go be insane and racist in the private sector.
Love, on the other hand, took the longer route, spending three years being a “rock star” or “rising GOP star” before being elected by Mormons who, until 1978, thought black people were either Satan or members of the 5th Dimension because ‘Wedding Bell Blues’ is what young Mormon girls start feeling when they turn fourteen or so.
What really got “all up in the grill” of the GOP was when the NAACP failed to give them one of those elaborate black people handshakes for integrating their ranks
What up with that, yo?
In order to express the appropriate outrage, the RNC checked the coffee room and found their other African-American, Raffi “Son Of Juan, Not That Kids Singer” Williams, to be their favorite stereotype: the angry young black man.
“If the [NAACP] was a truly bipartisan org thay [sic] would support all blacks not just dem Blacks,” he said in a tweet. “I wish an org like the [NAACP] would support black ppl of ideologies. Unfortunately they are proving how out of date they are.”
Did the NAACP start playing the dozens with the GOP? (Yo party is whiter than Mitt Romney in a snow storm. Ooooo. Snap!)
Nah. man. They issued a press release that mentioned no candidates, either GOP or liberal communist welfare-cheating baby-making crack-smoking born-in-Kenya street-thug Democrats. Instead they just pointed out that as nice as it is to be able to vote, they’d like it if certain people would, y’now, stop trying to deny them the right to vote.
Needless to say, the GOP took that blood libel to mean that the NAACP was talking about their mama.
Scott is the first black Republican Senator since Edward Brooke represented Massachusetts in the mid-60’s, and Brooke used to bang Barbara Walters, so Scott has got that to look forward to if he plays his cards right.
The GOP was particularly offended because nobody gave “mad props” to Mia Love and, more importantly, to themselves for finally having a Republican African-American woman in the House forty-five years after Shirley Chisholm broke the color barrier in 1969, six years before Love was born.
In fact, prior to Love squeaking in on Tuesday, Democrats have sent thirty (30) African-American women to the House, so maybe demanding that the NAACP treat Love as a pioneer due to their party’s inherent racism and hostility to African-Americans isn’t something you want to call attention to.
Love should be commended for breaking new ground — at least with the Republican Party — and this is a good first baby step for the GOP and maybe someday in the not too distant future they may elect enough Republican African-American women to the House to fill a corner booth at Denny’s. And when that day comes, they might even start thinking about, y’know, stop trying to deny those same African-American women the right to vote in the places in the United States that are not the floor of the House.
Stranger things have happened….
WATCH LIVE: Trump addresses the nation after Iran retaliatory missile strike
President Donald Trump will address the nation Wednesday morning on Iran’s attack on two military bases in Iraq hosting U.S. Armed Forces. The missiles were a retaliatory strike in response to Trump’s decision to assassinate General Qassem Soleimani.
The White House had signaled the president would deliver his address Tuesday night, but walked that back and the president, insisting “All is well!” in a Tuesday night tweet promised to speak Wednesday morning.
Here are 11 of the most punchable faces of 2017
Remember back when 2016 began and the world held so much promise and then a bunch of people in the Midwest got mad at Hillary Clinton because she didn't visit their state fair, eat a corn dog and admire their butter cow so they decided to toss a match in the septic tank by voting for Donald Trump to "shake things up"?
That, among other reasons, is how we got to where we are now in Trump Year One: Like A Plague, But Kinda Worse.
It has been a very weird year compared to the past few to the point where someone like Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Zodiac Killer) is barely a blip on our screen because he seems sort of "meh" compared to the daily tsunami of Trump atrocities that have us drowning in depression -- and depending upon Robert Mueller and Zoloft (Ask your doctor if ZOLOFT is right for you) to pull us through.
WATCH LIVE: Sarah Huckabee Sanders holds WH briefing as Trump squabbles with Gold Star families
As President Donald Trump's administration squabbles with the family of Sgt. La David Johnson and Rep. Frederica Wilson (D-FL) over the president's ham-handed attempt to offer condolences to Johnson's widow, many people are failing to ask why U.S. Army Green Berets were in Niger at all.
White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders is expected to receive questions about Niger and more queries about the administration's decision to go on the warpath against Wilson with false charges about a 2015 speech.