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Show me on the doll where God touched you, Ben Carson

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Former honest-to-Jeebus brain surgeon and guy we are pretty sure is not Herman Cain, Dr. Ben Carson, has very very exciting news for you. The potential finisher in the bottom third of the pack hankering to be the GOP presidential nominee in 2016 has been getting “feelers” from a very special and influential backer in his quest to become the first African-America President who was actually born in America.

Despite Fox white guy Chris Wallace getting “all up in B-Car’s grill,” saying his quixotic belief that he can become president is “whack” and that he should stop “fronting,” Carson was all ” ChrissWallace is a playa hater” and he’s going to run anyway because he’s a “baller” and is not going to be kept down “by the man.” Also, too: “yo.”

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Earlier in the month,  Carson released a 40-minute-long video — which is approximately 37-minutes longer than the average American’s attention span unless there are boobs or exploding robots or exploding robots with boobs involved —  about himself called :  “A Breath of Fresh Air: A New Prescription for America,” because he is a doctor, get it?

So clever, he should totally be president now.

You probably didn’t see the video because it ran at oddball times and you were probably watching a TV show about shouty housewives or maybe a exploding robots with boobs movie on Cinemax, but it certainly caught the attention of someone who doesn’t have cable.

And by ‘someone,’ I mean God, Creator of All Things —  beginning approximately 6,000 years ago.

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In an interview with David Brody, Carson admitted that God is getting all handsy-gropey-fingerbangey with him:

David Brody: “How is that conversation going with God about this potential presidential run? Has He grabbed you by the collar yet? I read an article about that.”

Ben Carson: “I feel fingers. But it’s mostly me. I have to be sure and it’s part of my personality that says always look before you leap but don’t leap before you have to.”

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David Brody: “I do cover the Presidential campaign trail. May I potentially see you there soon?”

Ben Carson: “I think there is a good chance you might.”

Carson shouldn’t read too much into God’s digital presidential penetration ass-play since He  previously encouraged Herman Cain, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum,  Michele Bachmann, Tim Pawlenty, Mike Huckabee, Sarah Palin, George  W. Bush, Pat Robertson, and Ronald Reagan; making God 2-8 which is pretty awful for a deity who supposedly who sees all and knows all.

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I blame ACORN and the New Black Panthers.

On the other hand,  Carson’s belief that God wants him to run was foretold in The Book of South Park, Cartman 13:2.

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You really can’t argue with that…

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Enjoy this piece?

… then let us make a small request. Like you, we here at Raw Story believe in the power of progressive journalism — and we’re investing in investigative reporting as other publications give it the ax. Raw Story readers power David Cay Johnston’s DCReport, which we've expanded to keep watch in Washington. We’ve exposed billionaire tax evasion and uncovered White House efforts to poison our water. We’ve revealed financial scams that prey on veterans, and efforts to harm workers exploited by abusive bosses. We’ve launched a weekly podcast, “We’ve Got Issues,” focused on issues, not tweets. Unlike other news sites, we’ve decided to make our original content free. But we need your support to do what we do.

Raw Story is independent. You won’t find mainstream media bias here. We’re not part of a conglomerate, or a project of venture capital bros. From unflinching coverage of racism, to revealing efforts to erode our rights, Raw Story will continue to expose hypocrisy and harm. Unhinged from corporate overlords, we fight to ensure no one is forgotten.

We need your support to keep producing quality journalism and deepen our investigative reporting. Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Invest with us in the future. Make a one-time contribution to Raw Story Investigates, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you.



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Here are 11 of the most punchable faces of 2017

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Remember back when 2016 began and the world held so much promise and then a bunch of people in the Midwest got mad at Hillary Clinton because she didn't visit their state fair, eat a corn dog and admire their butter cow so they decided to toss a match in the septic tank by voting for Donald Trump to "shake things up"?

That, among other reasons, is how we got to where we are now in Trump Year One: Like A Plague, But Kinda Worse.

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Katie McHugh was fired from Breitbart News on Monday after she wrote on Twitter that "there would be no deadly terror attacks in the U.K. if Muslims didn't live there" after a terror attack in London.

Below is an article about McHugh's from 2015. As you can see for yourself, she had a history of racist Twitter rants:

It must be very liberating to be a conservative right now. With fifteen GOP candidates still vying for a job that will never be hired for -- now that Rick Perry finally looks like the smart one by saying "Laters, losers" -- crazy talk wins the hearts and minds of the conservative base and everyone is doing it.

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