On last night’s episode of The Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert went after Republicans for cutting food stamps and forcing poor Americans to eat expired and damaged food.
“In 2012, more than one in seven households experienced food insecurity,” Colbert began, “meaning they don’t understand where their next meal will come from.”
“I totally understand — just last night, I couldn’t decide whether to order Italian or Chinese. So I know what it’s like out there.”
“Although I support the $800 million cut to the food stamp program that Congress passed this year,” he continued, “I’m not a monster. I wouldn’t want any legitimately hungry person to starve. My heart goes out to society’s truly underprivileged — your lovable shoeshine boys, your photogenic waifs, your pie-crazed hobos.”
“That’s why I was so happy to learn about a trend that’s turning one man’s trash into another man’s edible trash.”
Colbert cut to a clip from the Today show, in which the host explained that “salvage stores specialize in selling expired food at greatly reduced prices. Seventy-five percent of the items sold here have ‘Best By’ or ‘Sell By’ dates that have already expired. Damaged, dented, dated or discounted products that grocery stores won’t sell — letting consumers get kuh-razy discounts.”
“Yes,” Colbert said, “kuh-razy discounts, so poor families can get suh-bsistence nutrition. That’s why I’m giving a tip of my hat to salvage stores, for showing the least we can do for the hungry is less than any of us thought.”
“Sure, it may seem sad to eat products that are expired or damaged, but this is America, folks, where if you work hard and play by the rules, you’ll eventually earn the dignity of an intact box of Triscuits.”
“And don’t think of it as eating discarded food,” he concluded, “those Spaghetti-Os are just being served al dente. They’re perfectly, probably, safe. So you’re welcome America’s hungry, because this is as good as it’s going to get — we just voted in the people who want more cuts.”
“To these guys, expired prunes aren’t a questionable food product — it’s their voter base.”
Watch the entire segment below via Colbert Nation.