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Conservatives: Too bad that guy was choked to death by our dumb nanny state cigarette laws

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After the Staten Island grand jury returning a bill of “shit happens, whaddya gonna do,” in the Eric Garner case today, for a fleeting moment in time –practically a synapse — conservatives joined together with people who aren’t soulless freaks  — by which I mean ‘the rest of humanity’ –and said  “This is wrong. Police should not choke people to death on the sidewalk and walk away scot-free.”

Then they came to their senses because they didn’t want to be accused of being soft on killing innocent black men and blow a shot at a three-book deal with Regnery Press, so they started looking around for the real villain. A police force unchecked by laws about the use of force? A rogue cop who who was unaware that “I can’t breathe” is a safe word in pretty much any situation?

Nah, it’s the government and their stoopid laws and rules and shit that make innocent cops into almost-criminals, such as in the case of the now deceased Eric Garner.

In NYC it is against the law to sell individual cigarettes which is what Garner was accused of doing. Despite the fact this is obviously tyranny and not the Freedom the Founders left to us, guaranteeing us the right to willingly suck burning ash into our lungs — for reasons that quite frankly escape me as a non-smoker — police are being put in the awkward position of having to choke people to death for the crime of dealing one COPD-stick at a time.

So, really, the reason Eric Garner is dead is because the Nanny State won’t let people sell single butts on the street, forcing police to administer rough cigarette justice: death by strangulation. Seems reasonable.

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To some:

Loesch, not content to piddle out a little dumb when her entire career is based upon being a raging out-of-control firehouse of stupid, added another:

So what she is saying is that the war on Obamacare and abortion — both of which are legal, I might add — is over I guess. I find this to be extremely satisfying.

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You all might want to lie back right now, maybe light up and enjoy the afterglow…


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