Before welcoming Florida Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) on set Tuesday, Jon Stewart opened The Daily Show with an extended look at “Florida Man,” highlighting some of the state’s more bizarre news stories to shame local clerks who refused to perform lawful same-sex marriages.
“Florida, you don’t get to judge others when your state’s motto is, ‘If Darwin was right, we wouldn’t be here,'” Stewart said chidingly. “We didn’t even look for these stories; they found us.”
In fact, Stewart said, there might not be a more Florida story this year than the report on the pet store owner who was arrested for allegedly attacking one of his employees with a lizard.
After learning that no footage of the incident had been released, Stewart used an office Christmas present to conjure up his own black-and-white clip of Samantha Bee pelting someone with a toy lizard.
“I can’t stop, I’m from Florida,” Bee yelled.
Stewart also pointed out that two years ago, a man died at the same store after fatally choking on a cockroach during a roach-eating contest.
“Any other state, that’s news,” Stewart quipped. “In Florida, that’s just one of the check boxes on the coroner’s cause-of-death form. Speeds things along.”
So going by that standard, he argued, there was no sense in clerks preserving “the sanctity of [their] courthouses” by refusing to honor a court ruling striking down the state’s ban on marriage equality.
“You live in a giant cockroach-choking-hazard-infested, Hooters-dining, reptile-abusing, Everglades-draining, election-ruining, stripper-motorboating, b*llsweat-Senate-genitalia-shaped, 24-hour mugshot factory,” he said.
Watch Stewart’s commentary, as posted online on Tuesday, below.