Headlines of the week: Bristol Palin's second pregnancy inspires people failing at the thing they're paid to do
Bristol Palin, oldest daughter of former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, at a book signing in Phoenix, Arizona (Gage Skidmore/Flickr)

This week brings several inspiring stories. Here's a roundup of just some of the headlines you may have missed.


1. The second pregnancy of Abstinence-only spokeswoman Bristol Palin inspires all people who fail at the one job they are paid to do.

On Thursday, the unmarried Bristol Palin announced that she was pregnant with her second child. This development is especially fascinating given that Palin earned a mere $262,500 as an "abstinence only" advocate and ambassador for the Candie's Foundation in 2009, having already had one baby. This hefty sum was seven times what the charity earned in donations and according to Forbes, “Apparently, the organization was only able to find $35,000 to grant to charities from the $1,242,476 donated from the public."

To be clear, I'm not shaming Bristol for becoming pregnant or having a baby without being married. I'm shaming her for getting paid to preach a policy she clearly doesn't practice, because, ummm, it doesn't work. So beyond spreading a false abstinence only gospel, and spreading disinformation, she's making buck doing it. Isn't this the very definition of hypocrisy? And I thought Jesus Christ, who the Palins claim to follow so loyally, wasn't into that whole thing.

[caption id="attachment_713130" align="aligncenter" width="480"]Bristol Palin, oldest daughter of former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, at a book signing in Phoenix, Arizona (Gage Skidmore/Flickr) Bristol Palin, oldest daughter of former Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, at a book signing in Phoenix, Arizona (Gage Skidmore/Flickr)[/caption]

The good news, and alternate headline for this story would be:

2. Bristol Palin unwittingly becomes Planned Parenthood's s most effective and cheapest (free) spokeswoman. 

3. Japanese women's obsession with a handsome gorilla proves that the people who warned that same-sex marriage would lead to bestiality were right. Critics of marriage equality have long argued that there is a slippery but very direct slope between legalizing same-sex marriage and legalizing things like bestiality, incest, polygamy, etc. Most examples of bestiality have come in the form of man-on-turtle love. But it looks like the most dangerous tendency is woman-on-gorilla love. On the same day that the Court made its historic ruling, women in Japan were making their own ruling on just how attractive a particular male gorilla is.

According to CNN

A surprisingly hunky male gorilla, Shabani, has female humans going ape after mugshots of the 18-year-old animal began going viral on Twitter. A surprisingly hunky male gorilla, Shabani, has female humans going ape after mugshots of the 18-year-old animal began going viral on Twitter in Japan.

Zoo officials tell CNN that young women have been flocking to see the pretty primate, who lives at the Higashiyama Zoo and Botanical Gardens in Nagoya. Want to catch a glimpse of Shabani? Get in line. About 100 admirers constantly surround his exhibit, shouting "Look at me, Shabani!" and "This way, Shabani!" whenever he comes out.

I took the liberty of taking a screen-shot of the simultaneous trends of Facebook. At least it's heterosexual inter-species love.

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I took the liberty of taking a screen-shot of the simultaneous trends of Facebook. At least it's heterosexual inter-species love.

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4. Texas pastor who threatened to set himself on fire if the Supreme Court ruled for same-sex marriages refuses to go through with his promise, disappointing many. During a National Emergency Coalition conference call hosted by E.W. Jackson, a Virginia preacher and Republican politician, Texas pastor and conservative activist Rick Scarborough told listeners that he was prepared to do anything to fight against the legalization of same-sex marriage.  “We are not going to bow, we are not going to bend, and if necessary, we will burn." Several hours after the Supreme Court announced its ruling, Scarborough clarified that he was being metaphorical, disappointing countless people who were looking forward to the preacher putting his money where his mouth is.

5. Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) admits to having a lot of radical queer friends. Apparently, same-sex marriage upsets Senator Jim Inhofe almost as much as the liberal claim that there is such a thing as climate change. He presented airtight evidence against the "hoax," as he calls it, in the form of a snowball, which he literally brought into the Senate to prove that the world was still cold. BOOYAKASHAH!

Well, now he is even more incriminating evidence against the Supreme Court's ruling.  He told KJRH

I’ve been disappointed, and I was not surprised. I thought they would rule the way they did. I know a lot of people, actually a lot of people who are friends of mine in the gay community, who also think it was a bad decision.

Clearly, the gay community with which James Inhofe rolls so deep is actually the radical queer community, which opposes marriage as a patriarchal, capitalist, bourgeois institution and a distraction from revolution.