Pastor says Christian women are prettier than non-believing ‘lumberjack dykes’ or Cosmo-reading ‘easy lays’

A Christian pastor who points out he is not a creep has put forward a theory that may be be hard to buy for fans of Lauren Bacall. He believes Christian women are more beautiful than all other women, the Friendly Atheist reports.

"I make these observations, not as some kind of creepy journalist, but simply as someone with eyes in his head," pastor Douglas Wilson writes on his blog. "I travel a good bit, spending time in airports and the like, and I have also done hard time at Christian conferences. Having been in this place, I am in a good position to state that there is a marked difference between Christian women and women in the general population. Christian women are a lot prettier."

His proof for this, besides gawking, comes from the Bible.

"The phenomenon is grounded in the order of creation, and in the purpose of redemption. What are men and women made out of? The first man was made from the dust of the ground," he writes, citing Genesis. "This means that man was made into the image and glory of God out of dirt, and woman was made out of the image and glory of God to be the glory of man."

He also says that women are supposed to be subservient to men, but what they lack in authority they make up for in "glory."

"Because man was created before the woman, the apostle tells us that he is the head, he is the authority," he writes, citing Timothy in the Bible. "Man surpasses woman in authority. But the order of creation tells us something else as well. If we are talking about glory, and not authority, woman surpasses man."

He then explains why he believes some women are LGBT.

"Unbelieving women either compete for the attention of men through outlandish messages that communicate some variation of 'easy lay,' or in the grip of resentment they give up the endeavor entirely, which is how we get lumberjack dykes. The former is an avid reader of Cosmopolitan and thinks she knows 15K ways to please a man in bed. The latter is just plain surly about the fact that there even are any men."

He also has an explanation for the phenomenon of Christian women he considers less than "glorious." It's not genes or unrealistic beauty standards. The problem is that these women are listening to "the serpent."

"This is another way of saying that some Christian women are sadly in the process of being deprived of their glory. They are listening to the serpent again, and they have falsely muddled the serpent’s faux-sympathy with Christian compassion. And the fact they are doing so registers in their faces. They are taking, to use my wife’s pithy expression, ugly pills."