9 ways new House Speaker Paul Ryan was a total dick as a lawmaker
Republican white boy cool

After selling his soul to the crazy Freedom Caucus, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI) is the new Speaker of the House.


Congratulations Paul Ryan! Godspeed. All we can ask is that you do your best.

Okay, enough of that. Honeymoon is over.

Now let's take a walk down memory lane and look at just a few of the many ways in which Paul Ryan has been a total dick throughout his political career.

  • There is a reason why Paul Ryan has been called a "Zombie-eyed Granny Starver." Ryan has dedicated his political life to starving the poor and making their lives as miserable as possible because they lack the gumption to become rich. One of his favorite targets is Social Security because everyone knows that particular social safety set is for losers. On more than one occasion Ryan has proposed deep cuts in Social Security benefits for widows, the elderly, and others in need due to disabilities. That is bad enough and, taken alone, should earn him a prime seat next to Satan in Hell. But wait -- there's more. Because the congressman's father tragically passed away when Ryan was only 16, he was able to avail himself to survivor benefits paid through Social Security in order to pay for his college education at Miami of Ohio. That means that the same people whose benefits he wants to slash paid for his education through their contributions to the system so he could graduate and become a congressman and try and shorten their lives. Other than that he seems like such a nice young man. So polite.
  • Paul Ryan made a great show during his response to the State of The Union of praying for fellow lawmaker Gabby Giffords after she was shot in the head in 2011. In 2012 when he was running for vice president he came out against any new laws that would restrict gun purchases. Sorry, Gabby -- that was then, and this is now.
  • A budget submitted by Ryan would have allowed student loan interest rates to double and slashed Pell grants, while at the same time he was calling for fewer regulations on the predatory student loan industry. Did I mention he also voted to make student loans non-dischargable in bankruptcies? Asked why he was trying to make life more difficult for college goers, Ryan told a student that he worked three jobs to pay off his student loans. Get a job(s), hippie!
  • Speaking of which, while the economy was still recovering, Ryan voted nine times  against extending unemployment benefits between 2003 and 2012. Get a job, hippies. Again.
  • At the same time that Ryan was pushing for cuts to Medicare, he was spotted having lunch in a pricey D.C. restaurant while sharing two (2) $350 bottles of Pinot Noir with a couple of free market advocates. Confronted by a local woman, one of Ryan's lunchmates -- a hedge funder  -- said of the woman, "Fuck her" while Ryan stared off elsewhere with those dreamy blue eyes of his.
  • In other food news, Ryan voted against the Food Safety Modernization Act which was created to allow the federal government to be proactive on food contamination issues instead of waiting for people to become sick and die. It passed despite his "no" vote.  Did I mention that he has also proposed cutting food stamps? Yup, he did that. Ryan no doubt was looking out for poor people who were at risk of eating contaminated food.
  • After becoming a congressman, Ryan made a habit of giving his staffers copies of Ayn Rand books as Christmas presents because nothing quite reflects the spirit of the season like books extolling selfishness as the greatest of human endeavors.
  • As part of his deal with conservative house members to take over as Speaker of the House, Ryan demanded more family time because he believes time with his family is the most precious thing in the world. On the other hand, he opposed a bill that would have allowed fellow federal workers to substitute up to four weeks of available paid leave for parental leave. Because their families suck. His family is cool.

And then there is this.

  • Running as Mitt Romney's wingman in the 2012 election, Ryan posed for workout photos for Time magazine with his red hat flipped around making him look like the Fred Durst of P90X  crowd.

[caption id="attachment_737196" align="aligncenter" width="632"]Paul Ryan photos from Time magazine Paul Ryan photos from Time magazine[/caption]

Was it dickish to do this while running for veep? To be fair, no.

But he looks like a douchebag.

And a dick.