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16 Questions for David Spade, former celebrity, current Obama critic and TMZ political analyst

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David Spade is in the headlines, which is no small feat for the comedian and thespian, whose latest roles include the voice of  Sparx, a dragonfly in the video game “The Legend of Spyro: A New Beginning” and the nay-saying employee in Capital One commercials. Why is he in the headlines? Because of a new role? Nope. Did he do something funny? Nope. Is he directing? Nope. David Spade is in the news thanks to his insightful socio-economic-political analysis.  And Spade did what all great thinkers do when they must speak truth to power: he took to the Twitters and to the celebrity gossip think tank, or, technically, website, known as TMZ.  On December 14th,  Spade, of Saturday Night Live and less funny funny half of Chris Farley duo films Black Sheep and Tommy Boy former fame tweeted,

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Why is Obama on Bear Grills trying to survive in the tundra? Isnt the idea to keep the prez alive? And why is he on a reality show?Wtf ?

Spade was referring to a special edition of the show Running Wild With Bear Grylls, (not “Grills” but I digress) in which President Barack Obama visits Alaska to witness, first hand, the effects of climate change. The President, the host of the show and nearly every news article and press release make the policy implications of the appearance extremely clear, by the way.

But Spade had a chance to offer a more nuanced less 140-character-bound critique of the intersection between media and politics on Sunday when he spoke to the celebrity gossip website TMZ outside of Craig’s, which is apparently, some fancy restaurant in LA:

“I criticized Obama because I thought, you know, a president should have a little more dignity than [pauses to come up with hilarious joke] I mean, I realize that Woodrow Wilson went on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ once, but what president’s doing reality shows? It just sounds weird to me, you know, it’s just too much.

I think that,  you know,[pauses to come up with hilarious joke] Michelle Obama’s on ‘Ellen’ more than I am. I mean, what first lady – it’s just a new world, it’s just I’m not used to it, and they’re out [pauses to remember that word the kids are using today that means dehydrated]… It just seems a bit thirsty to me, that’s all.

I think they’re gonna do fine  but they’re sorta plotting [is thinking so hard that he leaves out preposition ‘for’] after the White House.

Like, he’s on GQ – I’m like, leave that to Bradley Cooper. You don’t need to go – the president, you’re above all of us, you’re above stars, you’re above everything. When he’s trying to get in the mix, like, I want to present at the MTV Awards – all right guy, you got it, relax.

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Spade’s commentary was so thought-provoking, I had to share some of my own thoughts and questions.

      1. Are you, David Spade, for whatever reason, under the impression that anyone turns to you when looking for sociological critiques on the intersection of media and politics?
      2. If not, are you, David Spade, for whatever reason, under the impression that what you said had any comedic value?
      3. If not, are you, David Spade, for whatever reason, under the impression that you’re not engaging in embarrassingly transparent behavior which only serves to communicate the extent of your own insecurity?
      4. Did you, for example, realize how petty, jealous and overcompensating you sounded when you complained that The First Lady had appeared on Ellen more frequently than you? Do you think that reflects more on the relationship between the Obamas and television? Or do you think it has anything to do with your feelings about not being invited to appear on talk shows? Do you keep an official tally of The First lady’s Ellen appearances? Is it an Excel document?
      5. Did you realize how unaware and wounded you sounded when you said, “It’s a new world. I’m not used to it”? What is it that’s new for you? What is it that you’re not used to? An attractive and relatable presidential couple? Or your own career failures?
      6. Who do you think comes off as thirsty? The Obamas? Or the formerly successful comedian and actor who nobody younger than me can identify by name?
      7. What if you rewrote what you said like this?  “but what president’s washed up comedian’s doing reality shows political reporting for TMZ?  it’s just a new world, it’s just I’m not used to it… It I just seems a bit thirsty to me, that’s all.
      8. When you urged The President to leave GQ to Bradley Cooper did you know that romantic leading men aren’t the only people who have appeared on GQ‘s cover? Did you know that comedians have also graced the cover? Comedians like Paul Rudd, Tracy Morgan, Zach Galifianakis. Louis C.K., Amy Schumer, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Bill Murray, Jason Bateman? How does never having been on the cover make you feel?
      9. You said you think the Obamas “are plotting [for] after The White House.” Did you think other presidents plotted for after their presidencies? Do you find yourself having paranoid thoughts or believing in conspiracy theories without any evidence?
      10. Do you usually tell people you respect as “above [you]” to “relax” and call them “guy”?
      11. When you armed the Phoenix, Arizona Police Department with 50 high powered semi-automatic AR-15 rifles so they can “do their jobs,” did it make you feel like a more complete and whole person?
      12. You donated the $100,000 to the Phoenix Police Department after seeing a Fox News story on it. Is Fox News your only news source? Do you always base your charity and donations on Fox New stories? What other police departments or worthy causes have you supported?
      13. Have you always lived in the shadow of your sister’s designer hand bag line? Have you spoken to Kate about getting your hands on one of those complimentary pouches she’s offering? I bet she would give you one without making you buy the “live colorfully” fragrance otherwise required. Blood is thicker than eau de parfum.
      14. Is all of this an attempt to get attention for your memoirs, which nobody knew about? And why did you choose to call it “David Spade is Almost Interesting”? Do you feel like you are almost successful? Or almost anything?
      15. Is there a name for the PSNLSTSD (Post-Saturday Night Live-Traumatic Stress Disorder) that renders certain comedians (David Spade, Dennis Miller) unfunny, mean-spirited, conservative and, in some cases (Rob Schneider and Victoria Jackson ) unhinged after they leave the show?
      16. Were you feeling bad about yourself and/ or particularly prescient when you made fun of Eddie Murphy for being a “falling star?” Have you ever heard of Karma? 

 


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