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Bible: 6 Ways Jewish Bernie Sanders is more like Christ, Christian Donald Trump more like anti-Christ

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Facepalm Jesus

Jewish Bernie Sanders is actually more Christian than evangelical Donald Trump, say several sources, including The Bible.

According to a North Carolina pastor, Bernie Sanders needs to schedule a meeting with Jesus Christ, our some people’s lord and savior. When introducing Trump at a rally, televangelist Mark Burns the crowd, “Bernie Sanders… doesn’t believe in God, how in the world (are) we going to let Bernie — I mean, really?” Burns then warned the Senator, “Bernie’s got to get saved, Bernie’s got to meet Jesus. He’s got to have a coming to Jesus meeting.”

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It is unlikely that Senator Sanders will have time in his busy campaigning schedule to fit in a Jesus meeting.

But, the good pastor can rest assured. Bernie Sanders, a secular Jew, is way more Christian than Donald Trump, an evangelical Christian. I know what you’re thinking: how can anyone be more Christian than the Donald, who has faced the Persecution over his faith? Or: why should the secular Jewess that is Katie Halper judge people’s Jesus-like status? What Christian cred does she have? Good questions.

But this is not, dear readers, my assessment. Bernie’s Christian behavior and Trump’s anti-christ-like behavior is the official judgement of the most authoritative Christian source out there: The Bible.  Let’s review the actual text and see where the three men fall on the issues, shall we?

1. PEACE

Jesus Christ: I love it!  

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” [Matthew 5:44]

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Bernie Sanders: it’s the best.

How does it happen that we have a trillion dollars available to expand our nuclear arsenal, but we don’t have the money to take care of the children in this country? What that’s about … What all of this is about is our national priorities. Who are we as a people? Does Congress listen to the military-industrial complex who has never seen a war that they didn’t like? Or do we listen to the people of this country who are hurting?

Donald Trump: No thanks. As he bragged in his first TV ad, “he’ll quickly cut the head off ISIS and take their oil.” And… here’s his plan for ISIS and their oil, which sounds pretty hard to achieve without major civilian casualties, lest you think his violence is limited to ISIS:

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They have some in Syria, some in Iraq. I would bomb the s— out of ’em. I would just bomb those suckers. That’s right. I’d blow up the pipes. … I’d blow up every single inch. There would be nothing left. And you know what, you’ll get Exxon to come in there and in two months, you ever see these guys, how good they are, the great oil companies? They’ll rebuild that sucker, brand new — it’ll be beautiful.

2. VIOLENCE

Jesus: Turn the Other Cheek. 

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Resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. [Matthew 5:39] I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despite-fully use you, and persecute you; [Matthew 5:44]

Sanders:  Turn the Other Cheek and only respond if as a last resort: 

While we must be relentless in combating terrorists who would do us harm, we cannot and should not be policeman of the world, nor bear the burden of fighting terrorism alone. The United States should be part of an international coalition, led and sustained by nations in the region that have the means to protect themselves. That is the only way to defeat ISIS and to begin the process of creating the conditions for a lasting peace in the region.

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Trump: Punch both cheeks! Torture & sucker punching highly recommended.  When a protestor was at a Nevada rally was escorted out, Trump reminisced:

“Oh, I love the old days, you know? You know what I hate? There’s a guy, totally disruptive, throwing punches, we’re not allowed to punch back anymore. I love the old days, you know what they used to do to guys like that when they were in a place like this? They’d be carried out in a stretcher, folks. Oh, it’s true… the guards are very gentle with him… I’d like to punch him in the face, I’ll tell you.”

More recently, Trump actually offered to subsidize violence, telling his fans,

“If you see somebody getting ready to throw a tomato, knock the crap out of them… I promise you, I will pay for the legal fees.”

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And, Trump doesn’t support the use of water-boarding because it’s not violent enough.

“I would bring back waterboarding and I’d bring back a hell of a lot worse than waterboarding… we should go much stronger than waterboarding. That’s the way I feel. Don’t tell me it doesn’t work — torture works.. . Okay, folks? Believe me, it works. Okay?”

3. KILLING

Jesus: One of my biggest no-nos and against the death penalty.

Thou shalt not kill [Matthew 5:21]

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Sanders: against the death penalty.

 I am against capital punishment in general. I understand, and certainly for people who are mentally incapacitated who don’t know what they’re doing or what’s happening to them—I think people have been executed who were not even aware of what was going on, and that’s not something that a civilized nation should be engaged in. But in general, this is what I think. Look, there are people who commit horrendous, horrendous, horrendous crimes: we all know that. And we are furious at them, we can’t understand their barbarity. But I think, as with so much violence in this world today, I just don’t think the state itself, whether it’s the state government or federal government, should be in the business of killing people. So when you have people who have done terrible, terrible things they’re gonna spend the rest of their lives in jail, and that’s a pretty harsh punishment. But I’m against capital punishment.

Trump: more more more!

After the rape of a jogger in New York’s Central Park  Trump took at a full page ad in four New York City newspapers saying,

“BRING BACK THE DEATH PENALTY!”

The men convicted for the crime wound up being, you know, exonerated, so had Trump had his way, that would have been 5 innocent men executed. Luckily, Trump hasn’t lost his faith in the need for capital punishment, let alone its morality. He promised a crowd,

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One of the first things I’d do in terms of executive order if I win would be to sign a strong, strong statement that will go out to the country, out to the world, that anybody caught killing a policeman, policewoman, police officer, anybody killing a police officer: death penalty. It’s gonna happen. OK? We can’t let this go.

Also, he’s really into killing family members of those he deems terrorist.  When asked, “How would intentionally killing innocent civilians set us apart from ISIS?” Trump said,

You look at the attack in California the other day — numerous people, including the mother that knew what was going on. They saw a pipe bomb sitting all over the floor. They saw ammunition all over the place. They knew exactly what was going on. I would be very, very firm with families. Frankly, that will make people think, because they may not care much about their lives, but they do care, believe it or not, about their families’ lives.

4. GREED

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Jesus: Bad and give your money away if you want to get into heaven.

Truly, I say unto you, it will be hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. [Matthew 19:23] You cannot serve both God and Money. [Matthew 6:24.] Paying Taxes & Separation of Church & State: Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s. [Matthew 22:21]

Sanders: Bad, and though you don’t have to give all your money away, there needs to be a fairer distribution of wealth.

Teachers did not cause this recession. Firefighters and police officers who are being attacked daily by governors all over this country did not cause this recession. Construction workers did not cause this recession. This recession… was caused by the greed, the recklessness and illegal behavior of the people on Wall Street… It is not a radical idea to say that if somebody works 40 hours a week, that person should not be living in poverty.

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And

It doesn’t mean to say everybody has the same income, everybody has the same kind of house, drives the same kind of car,” he said. “But what it does mean is that we’re a society based on justice, based on equality, based on fairness.

Trump: I’m very greedy. 

I like money. I’m very greedy. I’m a greedy person. I shouldn’t tell you that, I’m a greedy – I’ve always been greedy. I love money, right?

5. EQUALITY & JUSTICE

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Jesus: pretty big deal.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. [Matthew 5:6] Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy [Matthew 5:7] But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. [Matthew 6:15]  But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you. You will be repaid at the resurrection of the just. [Luke 14:13 &14.] Public

Sanders: very important.

We must pursue policies to transform this country into a nation that affirms the value of its people of color. That starts with addressing the five central types of violence waged against black, brown and indigenous Americans: physical, political, legal, economic and environmental.

Trump: all non-white U.S. citizens are equally undesirable, well some are especially bad.  Namely, Mexicans because,

the Mexican government is sending rapists, drug dealers, and criminals across the border… The fact is, since then, many killings, murders, crimes, money going out, drugs coming in — and I said, ‘We need to build a wall.’ And it has to be built quickly. I don’t mind having a big beautiful door in that wall so that people can come in legally, but we need Jeb to build a wall to keep illegals out.

and Muslims, who will be banned:

Without looking at the various polling data, it is obvious to anybody the hatred is beyond comprehension. Where this hatred comes from and why we will have to determine. Until we are able to determine and understand this problem and the dangerous threat it poses, our country cannot be the victims of horrendous attacks by people that believe only in Jihad, and have no sense of reason or respect for human life.

 

6. On Religion.

Jesus: I don’t practice Judaism but I’m ethnically and culturally Jewish and I’m guided by one basic principle. 

So in everything, do to others as you would have them do to you. [Matthew 7:12]

Sanders: I don’t practice Judaism but I’m ethnically and culturally Jewish and I’m guided by one basic principle.

Every great religion in the world — Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism — essentially comes down to: “Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.” What I have believed in my whole life — I believed it when I was a 22-year-old kid getting arrested in Chicago fighting segregation — I’ve believed it in my whole life.

That we are in this together — not just, not words. The truth is at some level when you hurt, when your children hurt, I hurt. I hurt. And when my kids hurt, you hurt. And it’s very easy to turn our backs on kids who are hungry, or veterans who are sleeping out on the street, and we can develop a psyche, a psychology which is “I don’t have to worry about them; all I’m gonna worry about is myself; I need to make another 5 billion dollars.

But I believe that what human nature is about is that everybody in this room impacts everybody else in all kinds of ways that we can’t even understand. It’s beyond intellect. It’s a spiritual, emotional thing. So I believe that when we do the right thing, when we try to treat people with respect and dignity, when we say that that child who is hungry is my child, I think we are more human when we do that, than when we say “hey, this whole world is me, I need more and more, I don’t care about anyone else.” That’s my religion. That’s what I believe in.

And I think most people around the world — whatever their religion, their color — share that belief. That we are in it together as human beings. And it becomes more and more practical. If we destroy the planet because we don’t deal with climate change. Trust me, we are all in it together… and that is what my spirituality is about.

Trump: I’m so Christian I’m persecuted for it but my daughter married a Jew and I negotiate like one. Addressing the Republican Jewish Coalition, Trump said,

I’m a negotiator, like you folks… Is there anyone in this room who doesn’t negotiate deals? Probably more than any room I’ve ever spoken.

Despite his strong finagling abilities, Trump is actually so strongly Christian, he faces even more persecution and discrimination than your average Straight, White Anglo Saxon Protestant living in the United States. Asked why he wouldn’t make his tax returns public, Trump explained he was being picked on (AKA audited) by the IRS. Why was he the victim of this vicious accounting hate crime?

maybe because of the fact that I’m a strong Christian.

 

If that doesn’t sound plausible to you, maybe you don’t know what it’s like to be a Christian and maybe you need to check your non-Christian privilege. But whatever you do, don’t judge the Donald too harshly. Ask yourself, WWJOBD? What would Jesus or Bernie Sanders Do? To others as you would have them do to you.

 


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