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Cartoon Trump admits his awful persona is all ‘razzle-dazzle for peasants in the cheap seats’

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Donald Trump’s insults and outrageous behavior that have propelled him into the stratosphere of political polling — but Stephen Colbert said that’s not without its drawbacks on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”

The GOP establishment is disgusted by the idea of Trump representing their party. That’s why The Donald hired lobbyist “and future Joe Pesci character,” Paul Manafort, to help persuade the party power players that this racist, xenophobic, misogynist persona isn’t real.

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“He’s just pretending to be an offensive loose cannon,” Colbert said. “Just like the GOP will be pretending that they’re happy he’s the nominee. Now, this revelation raises some serious questions: Who is the real Donald Trump? Is he a cartoonish egomaniac? Or an entirely different kind of maniac?”

To answer those questions and more, Colbert welcomed Cartoon Donald Trump. Already in victory lap mode, Cartoon Trump claimed that he was taking over the GOP “knocking it down and putting up some condos.”

Colbert got Trump to admit that the months of “brash, shoot-from-the-hip style” was indeed all an act. Cartoon Trump even admitted that his voice doesn’t sound like that. He’s actually a civilized posh man with a cup of tea in his coat pocket.

“Of course, it’s an act,” said Cartoon Trump. “Come on now, old bean. You didn’t seriously think I believed what I was saying during this campaign? If so, you’re even crazier than I’ve been pretending to be.”

Trump continued that this is all part of what he calls “the long con” in large part because his show “The Apprentice” would never have worked if he was a polite, reasonable man. The show would have tanked “if my catchphrase would have been, ‘I’m afraid we’re going to have to let you go.'”

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Cartoon Trump fully admitted that everything up until now was “a show. A charade. A bit of razzle-dazzle for the peasants in the cheap seats.”

Colbert couldn’t understand how Trump continued with this farce, but Cartoon Trump admitted that some things were true. “I actually do want to deport the Mexicans, and my penis is huge. It’s the best. It’s got a blue ribbon at my club’s penis regatta.” He then flawlessly illustrated his ability to turn the “Trumpiness” off and on at will. After all, according to Cartoon Trump he is “the greatest character actor of all time. Meryl Streep can kiss my ass!” Shifting back to his posh accent he assured he was joking, “love you Mer-bear.”

But even this might not be Trump’s final form. He says we’ll have to wait and see.

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Elections 2016

Vietnamese women strive to clear war-era mines

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Inching across a field littered with Vietnam war-era bombs, Ngoc leads an all-women demining team clearing unexploded ordnance that has killed tens of thousands of people -- including her uncle.

"He died in an explosion. I was haunted by memories of him," Le Thi Bich Ngoc tells AFP as she oversees the controlled detonation of a cluster bomb found in a sealed-off site in central Quang Tri province.

More than 6.1 million hectares of land in Vietnam remain blanketed by unexploded munitions -- mainly dropped by US bombers -- decades after the war ended in 1975.

At least 40,000 Vietnamese have since died in related accidents. Victims are often farmers who accidentally trigger explosions, people salvaging scrap metal, or children who mistake bomblets for toys.

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Elections 2016

Chief Justice John Roberts issues New Year’s Eve warning to stand up for democracy

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In a progressive welcoming move, Chief Justice John Roberts issued his New Year's Eve annual report urging his fellow federal judges to stand up for democracy.

"In our age, when social media can instantly spread rumor and false information on a grand scale, the public's need to understand our government, and the protections it provides, is ever more vital," he wrote. "We should celebrate our strong and independent judiciary, a key source of national unity and stability."

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Trump’s next 100 days will dictate whether he can be re-elected or not — here’s why

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According to CNN pollster-in-residence Harry Enten, Donald Trump's next 100 days -- which could include an impeachment trial in the Senate -- will hold the key to whether he will remain president in 2020.

As Eten explains in a column for CNN, "His [Trump's] approval rating has been consistently low during his first term. Yet his supporters could always point out that approval ratings before an election year have not historically been correlated with reelection success. But by mid-March of an election year, approval ratings, though, become more predictive. Presidents with low approval ratings in mid-March of an election year tend to lose, while those with strong approval ratings tend to win in blowouts and those with middling approval ratings usually win by small margins."

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