The number of Americans arrested for overdue Tom Green movies now exceeds the number of Wall Street executives arrested for the financial crisis.
Seth Meyers examined the latest Wall Street firm to face penalties for fraudulent and misleading business practices, after Goldman Sachs agreed to pay $5 billion in fines but admit no wrongdoing — which is standard practice for investment firms.
“That’s like sending your wife two-dozen roses with a note saying, ‘I didn’t do anything wrong,'” Meyers said.
The Department of Justice announced in September it would start jailing individual executives, rather than merely impose fines — but no Goldman Sachs investors have been arrested for making false and misleading claims about their mortgage-backed securities.
“Why does this keep happening?” Meyers said. “Do you know how easy it is to arrest someone in this country?”
He pointed to the story of a North Carolina man arrested last month on an outstanding warrant for failing to return a VHS cassette of “Freddy Got Fingered” — singled out by some critics as “the worst movie they have ever seen” — to a video store that no longer exists.
“‘Freddy Got Fingered’? Quick tip to that dude — if your cellmate asks what movie it was, do not tell him,” Meyers said.
Goldman Sachs, which generated $39.2 billion in revenue last year, probably won’t even have to pay the entire $5 billion fine levied against the firm, which will get a tax deduction for the penalty.
“So Goldman Sachs can get a tax deduction on a government fine, but I can’t get one on alcohol — even though I drink all day at my job,” Meyers joked, taking a long sip from his mug.
The company’s stock didn’t even take a hit on news of the fine, with shares rising 1 percent in price the day the penalty was announced.
“At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if these were the cops the feds sent to arrest them,” Meyers said, showing a stock photo of two scantily clad women dressed as sexy police officers.
Wall Street firms haven’t been punished for their role in the financial crisis, and their allies in Congress are still trying to roll new rules passed after the crash.
“At the end of the day, if we keep letting banks off the hook for dangerous practices, we’re just asking for another financial crisis,” Meyers said. “Something needs to be done to hold Wall Street executives accountable. Either that, or we’re going to have to trick them into renting ‘Freddy Got Fingered’ on VHS.”
Watch the entire segment posted online by Late Night With Seth Meyers: