Beer made with vaginal essences is a great way to honor your girlfriend, beer company says
Just in time for Mother’s Day, The Order of Yoni is offering beer made with vaginal secretions. (Yoni is the Sanskrit word for “vagina.”) Curtis Cook, writing for the Willamette Week, found Yoni beer while researching a story about the transgender bathroom controversy. The beer’s site features a two minute-plus video on the benefits of drinking a woman’s essence.
“…free your fantasies and imagine that with a magic wand you can close it in one bottle of beer. The golden drink brewed with her lure and grace and flavored with instincts, which source we have identified. We have discovered a process of her essence of her femininity, her instincts by isolation of lactic acid bacteria from her vagina.”
The German company has posted the video in English, which may account for some difficulties with the language, but it provides plenty of visual clues to explain the process of how the beer will be made. Standard bottles of the company’s beer are made using the “essence” of a Czech supermodel. But, men looking to honor their girlfriends are invited to contact the company to find out how to send swabs of intimately collected vaginal secretions from home.
Those who are afraid, however, that their women friends won’t be so hot on the idea should rest assured that if they have to buy the company’s more mass-produced beer, that “every model in the beer project has to sign the contract with high penalty for working in adult industry, sex industry, as adult actress, escort, prostitute, etc., etc., etc.”
The company insists that making beer with the taste of a woman contained within it is not an act of disrespect. In fact, there’s no higher honor. Because it celebrates Mom.
“…vaginal lactobacillus bacteria are transferred from a mother to a child during childbirth, so mother’s Yoni bacteria are becoming part of child’s immune system. The Order believes the beer is a tribute to our mothers and a tribute to the act of childbirth. It is far, far from disrespect for a woman.”
To quote Cook:
Because, apparently, if you’re going to do something as seemingly serial killer-esque as harvesting vaginal fluid for the purpose of creating a quality craft brew, the best defense is to bring up your mother.
“Bottled Instinct” is the first brew produced. It is listed as a “sour ale.”
No word on whether the beer produces a good head.