It seems even God himself can’t believe that Donald Trump is the Republican nominee for president. In the opening of Colbert’s “Late Show,” the Lord of the Hosts appeared on the ceiling to admit he’s had other things to do in the universe than focus on the presidential race.
“God, why did you let Donald Trump be the Republican nominee?” the comedian asked.
“The what?!” God exclaimed. “Shut the front door! No way! Trump? The guy with the weird hair who sold steaks in the Sharper Image?” Apparently, God hasn’t been following the election. “Oh, my God, he’s the worst. But, Stephen, I’ve been pretty busy to follow the election, I’ve been dealing with a supernova in another galaxy, I gotta decide who wins the NBA finals. What happened to Jeb? I thought he was a sure thing?”
Colbert told the big comedian in the sky that it was a done deal. Trump will be the GOP nominee. “What is with you people?!” Was his response. “Come on, I give you free will and you nominate a guy who looks like a microwaved circus peanut?! Ok, that’s it. That is it. I’m taking away your opposable thumbs. Good luck making tools.
“Don’t give up on us yet!” Colbert begged. “Trump may not be president. He’s still got to beat Hillary or Bernie Sanders.”
“Bernie Sanders?!” God exclaimed. “That guy’s older than I am! Aw, you know what? To hell with this, I’m moving to Canada. God, out!”