Witches cast impotency hex to make sure Brock Turner never rapes anyone again
Brock Turner

Lots of people are really upset that Stanford student Brock Turner will only serve six months in jail after being convicted of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman last year. Per local Columbus news station NBC4i, it seems that a group of witches is using extralegal measures to deliver true justice to Turner by casting a hex on him that will render him impotent, among other things.

A group of witches organized a mass hexing involving roughly 1,000 people via a Facebook group this week to afflict Turner with a series of maladies to ensure that he will never harm anyone again. Here is the text of their hex:

Brock Allen Turner we hex you.

You will be impotent

You will know constant pain of pine needles in your guts

Food will bring you no sustenance

In water, your lungs will fail you

Sleep will only bring nightmares

Shame will be your mantle.

You will meet justice.

My witchcraft is strong. Our witchcraft is powerful. The spell will work. So Mote it be.

Ideally, our legal system would do its job well enough so that people wouldn't try to inflict supernatural torment on convicted rapists. And luckily for Turner, it's highly unlikely that this hex will actually do anything the witches say it will, so he'll probably still be able to go for a swim without his lungs giving out.