“Contrary to what we know to be true, they get along just fine,” Colbert said about the two men. Priebus told the audience that he’s with Bannon from 6:30 a.m. until 11:30 p.m. “At which point he’s instructed me to lock his door and not let him out no matter what he screams or how loud he howls.”
Colbert also mentioned Trump’s recent decision to prevent students from using the bathroom of their choice. On the campaign trail, however, Trump said that it wouldn’t matter to him where his friend Caitlyn Jenner used the bathroom.
“Which is good, because I’m guessing right now a lot of trans people want to take a dump in Trump’s lobby,” Colbert said.
Colbert noted that Sec. Betsy DeVos was against the decision but Sec. Jeff Sessions pressured her until she’d relent.
“Oh, come on, Betsy!” Colbert said, doing a Jeff Sessions impression. “They won’t lets me descriminates against black people, just give me this one! I need something!”
Colbert is worried about Trump, though, because the president hasn’t tweeted in the last few days. Politico reported this week that the White House staff have found new and creative ways to keep Trump away from the TV and unflattering coverage. If they couldn’t find positive stories about Trump, they would place stories in Fox News or Breitbart.
Colbert came up with his own “fake news” broadcast that praised Trump’s crowd size at the inauguration, his bigly win and assurance that Trump can still get an erection.
“Maybe America needs a politician who can take bad news about himself,” Colbert said. His example was an Arizona governor candidate named Noah Dyer. His website details the history of sex with women, pornographic photos and videos of him and other explicit information.
“Good Lord!” Colbert exclaimed. “Good sweet and sour Jesus! I never thought I would miss the quiet dignity of Anthony Weiner!”
Watch the full video below: