Stephen Colbert was in rare form Thursday night as he launched into mocking Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) for his dinner with President Donald Trump at the White House this week.
Colbert created a fake invitation inviting Cruz on behalf of the Trumps that said, “You and your wife (who is a 3 at best) are invited to dinner. Cocktail attire, please check your spine at the door.”
“Have fun at the White House, kids,” Colbert said, pretending to be Cruz. “Because daddy’s going to be crying on the way home.”
All of the times Trump attacked Cruz are even still live on his Twitter account. Colbert specifically cited Trump’s nickname “Lyin’ Ted,” saying, “it’s funny because it worked.”
Cruz explained that the dinner was nothing more than a social occasion. “You know, social,” Colbert said. “Where you ask each other about each other’s families. ‘Uhh, how’s your ugly wife and your father the president-killer?'” Colbert asked doing a Trump impression. “‘Don’t let your ugly wife look at me or we’ll have another dead president here'”
Colbert talked about the late night Republicans had trying to ram the Trumpcare through the committee. It took about 18 hours of deliberation and lasted until 4:00 a.m. “As anyone who’s ever spent 18 hours trying to pass something, there’s nothing good at the end,” Colbert explained.
One Missouri Republican got a little punchy during the hearings, talking about things that are bad for you that should be taxed. He specifically cited ice cream but then turned to talk about sunburns not being caused by tanning beds but by the sun and suggested a tax.
Colbert also noted Trump is doing whatever it takes to get Republicans to come together around the health care bill. There was even a report this week that Trump has invited Republicans to the White House to go bowling. “Trump wants to be there as they throw their balls away,” Colbert joked.
Sources revealed this week that if the GOP fails to pass health care reform, Trump plans to allow Obamacare to fail so he can blame the Democrats.
“OK, hold on there a minute,” Colbert said. “You’re in charge now. If you let health care collapse I don’t think we’ll blame the Democrats. We will blame you. That’s like a firefighting letting the house burn down to make the space heater look bad.”
Watch the full opening below: