Attorney General Jeff Sessions’ closed-door meeting with an anti-LGBT law group is no laughing matter — unless, of course, you’re Stephen Colbert.
During his cold open on Friday night’s episode, Colbert blasted the secretive meeting between Sessions and the Alliance Defending Freedom law group.
Notably, both the ADF and the Justice Department have refused to make Sessions’ speech public — a fact that Colbert, in natural form, picked on.
“A closed-door speech? Come on guys, it’s 2017, it’s OK to come out!” Colbert joked. “Let your hate flag fly! You’re here, you fear, we’re used to it.”
Alliance Defending Freedom, Colbert noted, is a Christian legal group who defended clients like the bakery who refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple and wrote “model legislation” such as anti-transgender bathroom bills like the infamous HB2 in North Carolina. The group’s stated mission is “seeking to recover the robust Christendomic theology of the third, fourth and fifth centuries.”
“Ah, the good old days,” Colbert said. “When men were men and women died in childbirth at 14.”
Because the meeting was closed to the public and Sessions’ remarks at it remain unknown, Colbert decided to dramatize his own version — using a Keebler elf cookie and an over-the-top fake Louisiana accent.
“Dear ladies and gentleman, I am positively flabbergasted by the amount of homosexualizin’ I see in our country these dark days,” Colbert-as-Sessions said. “We must return to our culture what God intended — men and women having marryin’ women, havin marital relations just for reproduction, lights off, socks on, finishing with a firm handshake.”
Watch the hilarious Keebler elf attorney general segment below, via The Late Show.
— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) July 15, 2017